O/T The Official Squareball Parenting Thread

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eric olthwaite
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Re: O/T The Official Squareball Parenting Thread

Postby eric olthwaite » Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:12 pm

MightyWhite wrote:Bloody hard this whole autism thing. We’ve had suspicions about our eldest (7) for a few years now due to his quirks and the way he interacts with other people, to the point we were having meetings with the school and local services, verging on biting the bullet and seeking a diagnosis. We pulled back in the end and, over the last few months, he seems to have evened out somewhat. His behaviour is fine and his school performance is spot on, the main struggles are limited to his absolute refusal to go in to any public toilet (awkward on day trips) and a slightly obsessive/narrow focus (seems to only be able dedicate himself to one friend at a time, and will only listen to the music of Lady Gaga!). All in all, I’m pretty content at the moment that we didn’t slap a label on him.


Our eldest, who's now 24, has a number of 'issues' in this way and we've all struggled with the 'on the spectrum' thing. Like your lad, she's not comfortable with loose social situations and has always focussed on one friend. She has lots of other things like writing lists of things to do which will include stuff as banal as washing up or making lunch, and she's unable to do them in any order other than the one she wrote them down in. Over the years she's become much more self-aware about understanding when she's being 'odd' and can tell friends she just needs to leave somewhere immediately. She /we have never known whether to take this further; she swings from wanting to self-manage to thinking she's be happier if she had an official diagnosis. She's quite high-functioning and so sort of self-diagnosed as having some form of Asperger's. Interestingly, this was in the paper today.

I guess the point is, having got as far as she's got and being reasonably self-aware, I'm not sure there's much to be gained from being labelled now.

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dirty leeds
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Re: O/T The Official Squareball Parenting Thread

Postby dirty leeds » Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:53 pm

eric olthwaite wrote:
MightyWhite wrote:Bloody hard this whole autism thing. We’ve had suspicions about our eldest (7) for a few years now due to his quirks and the way he interacts with other people, to the point we were having meetings with the school and local services, verging on biting the bullet and seeking a diagnosis. We pulled back in the end and, over the last few months, he seems to have evened out somewhat. His behaviour is fine and his school performance is spot on, the main struggles are limited to his absolute refusal to go in to any public toilet (awkward on day trips) and a slightly obsessive/narrow focus (seems to only be able dedicate himself to one friend at a time, and will only listen to the music of Lady Gaga!). All in all, I’m pretty content at the moment that we didn’t slap a label on him.


Our eldest, who's now 24, has a number of 'issues'...

I guess the point is, having got as far as she's got and being reasonably self-aware, I'm not sure there's much to be gained from being labelled now.


Yep, bang on. Mrs DL's dad [now deceased] was autistic but made a very interesting life for himself: he was an entertainer/singer [hip in the sixties, had a regular gig in Soho, played Hamburg same time as The Beatles blah blah], and had loads of mates on the music scene, seemed happy enough, even though he was a pain in the arse to deal with sometimes. Her brother is also high functioning, independent, a core of mates, though lives on his own in his early fifties, seems happy enough. If it works, leave it alone.

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Quiffy
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Re: O/T The Official Squareball Parenting Thread

Postby Quiffy » Fri Sep 13, 2019 5:46 pm

dirty leeds wrote:
eric olthwaite wrote:
the flying pig wrote:(1) his parents are in denial about his condition & won't 'sign him up'; (2) the school are turning a blind eye because of the budgetary implications of hiring more TAs.


Correct me if I'm wrong, and maybe someone like DL would know better, but 2) is effectively a function of 1), no? ie unless there's a statement then the school can't fund the TA? Stupid of the parents if they don't recognise that a failure to act now will make things a million times worse later on.

Anyway, I wouldn't know what to do in this situation. Would probably canvas a friendly governor (off the record) to see what they suggest, if you know of one.


Correct. Diagnosis, EHCP [former Statement], Funding... in that order. But it has to start with the parents admitting it to themselves and so helping their child.

Exactly what DL's saying from my experience. It goes from authority to authority exactly how difficult it is to get an EHCP. It's also a bit of a ballache for the school in terms of collecting evidence to justify it, so you need a SENCO who's on the ball collecting evidence as well as parents who are taking this kid to a doctor to get the medical evidence to justify the local authority dishing out the cash, otherwise they won't do it. I think one of the reasons they moved the goalposts from 'statements' to EHCP's (educational health care plans) was to re-start the process and make it harder to get money out of the council.=, as many kids who had statements didn't get EHCP's.

we had a primary school head who was happy to brush things under the carpet with my son, because he was relatively 'academic' and docile, thankfully the primary senco became his form teacher and she started to alert everyone to his needs before he got to secondary school.

basically, ask the school if they're documenting this properly and are taking seriously the impact on the the learning of his cohort.
increasing doubt, decreasing hope, even my imaginary friend went and changed his mind.

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MightyWhite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 11:38 am
Location: Notts

Re: O/T The Official Squareball Parenting Thread

Postby MightyWhite » Fri Sep 13, 2019 6:18 pm

eric olthwaite wrote:
MightyWhite wrote:Bloody hard this whole autism thing. We’ve had suspicions about our eldest (7) for a few years now due to his quirks and the way he interacts with other people, to the point we were having meetings with the school and local services, verging on biting the bullet and seeking a diagnosis. We pulled back in the end and, over the last few months, he seems to have evened out somewhat. His behaviour is fine and his school performance is spot on, the main struggles are limited to his absolute refusal to go in to any public toilet (awkward on day trips) and a slightly obsessive/narrow focus (seems to only be able dedicate himself to one friend at a time, and will only listen to the music of Lady Gaga!). All in all, I’m pretty content at the moment that we didn’t slap a label on him.


Our eldest, who's now 24, has a number of 'issues' in this way and we've all struggled with the 'on the spectrum' thing. Like your lad, she's not comfortable with loose social situations and has always focussed on one friend. She has lots of other things like writing lists of things to do which will include stuff as banal as washing up or making lunch, and she's unable to do them in any order other than the one she wrote them down in. Over the years she's become much more self-aware about understanding when she's being 'odd' and can tell friends she just needs to leave somewhere immediately. She /we have never known whether to take this further; she swings from wanting to self-manage to thinking she's be happier if she had an official diagnosis. She's quite high-functioning and so sort of self-diagnosed as having some form of Asperger's. Interestingly, this was in the paper today.

I guess the point is, having got as far as she's got and being reasonably self-aware, I'm not sure there's much to be gained from being labelled now.


That’s positive to hear, exactly what I’m hoping for for my lad. And, yeah, Aspergers has been mentioned more than a few times as a possibility from those that fancy they know a bit about these things.

The toilet thing is really the only major issue with mine. Not ideal when you’re at ER and you have to find a quiet alcove out back of the East Stand, or wandering around London hoping to find a deserted alley, so that he can relieve himself :lol: We were hoping he’d grow out of it in short order but we’re dealing in years now, so might have to start looking at something like CBT

Ponte wrote:Hmmm, Something amiss.
Lady Gaga?


Just don’t :lol: Mrs has booked to take him (and me) to see a tribute act in Nottingham next month :pale:
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AndyPaul
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Re: O/T The Official Squareball Parenting Thread

Postby AndyPaul » Sat Sep 14, 2019 7:23 am

In terms of help it's very dependent on where you are. My son is getting a lot of help at the age of 2 due to potential issues regarding this. We've got this help very quickly. 10 miles down the road there's families who are pushing for the help and years later are no where near where we are after a few months. A shame really. I know people that have moved to my town to get the help that they can't get where they were.

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eric olthwaite
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Re: O/T The Official Squareball Parenting Thread

Postby eric olthwaite » Mon Sep 16, 2019 10:06 pm

On a scale of 1 to Peak Teen Laziness, where do you rate putting eggshells back in the box in the cupboard because you can’t be arsed to go outside to chuck them in the food waste bin?

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Phil LUFC
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Re: O/T The Official Squareball Parenting Thread

Postby Phil LUFC » Tue Sep 17, 2019 5:41 am

eric olthwaite wrote:On a scale of 1 to Peak Teen Laziness, where do you rate putting eggshells back in the box in the cupboard because you can’t be arsed to go outside to chuck them in the food waste bin?

Somewhere between leaving empty toilet roll tubes on the nearest available surface and putting empty cereal boxes back in the cupboard?

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Ponte
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Re: O/T The Official Squareball Parenting Thread

Postby Ponte » Tue Sep 17, 2019 5:46 am

Phil LUFC wrote:
eric olthwaite wrote:On a scale of 1 to Peak Teen Laziness, where do you rate putting eggshells back in the box in the cupboard because you can’t be arsed to go outside to chuck them in the food waste bin?

Somewhere between leaving empty toilet roll tubes on the nearest available surface and putting empty cereal boxes back in the cupboard?

Is that near dropping wet towels on the bathroom floor next to the towel rail?
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Hmmm.

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Phil LUFC
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Re: O/T The Official Squareball Parenting Thread

Postby Phil LUFC » Tue Sep 17, 2019 6:43 am

Ponte wrote:
Phil LUFC wrote:
eric olthwaite wrote:On a scale of 1 to Peak Teen Laziness, where do you rate putting eggshells back in the box in the cupboard because you can’t be arsed to go outside to chuck them in the food waste bin?

Somewhere between leaving empty toilet roll tubes on the nearest available surface and putting empty cereal boxes back in the cupboard?

Is that near dropping wet towels on the bathroom floor next to the towel rail?

Bathroom floor? Ours take to their rooms and leave them in there until we notice.

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eric olthwaite
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Re: O/T The Official Squareball Parenting Thread

Postby eric olthwaite » Tue Sep 17, 2019 6:51 am

I think the wilful fuckwittedness of putting empty cereal boxes back in the cupboard probably ranks higher than leaving towels where they fall.

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Devi
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Re: O/T The Official Squareball Parenting Thread

Postby Devi » Tue Sep 17, 2019 7:00 am

Only when it’s paired with leaving the milk, bowl, spoon etc on the table for someone else to put away. Especially so when the fridge and sink are en route to that cupboard.
I like it. What is it?

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Ponte
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Re: O/T The Official Squareball Parenting Thread

Postby Ponte » Tue Sep 17, 2019 8:06 am

Phil LUFC wrote:Bathroom floor? Ours take to their rooms and leave them in there until we notice.

The bathroom floor is a result of me repeatedly asking for towels to be returned to the towel rail instead of the bedroom floor. They do sometimes appear thrown over the bannister rail too, bathroom is a bit too far it seems.

eric olthwaite wrote:I think the wilful fuckwittedness of putting empty cereal boxes back in the cupboard probably ranks higher than leaving towels where they fall.

How about empty carton/pack in the freezer? That one baffles me.

Anyway, I raise you a 'some time old' cereal bowl under a bed, said cereal remnants hardened to become part of the bowl.
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Hmmm.

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dirty leeds
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Re: O/T The Official Squareball Parenting Thread

Postby dirty leeds » Tue Sep 17, 2019 8:09 am

Think I may have mentioned this before but... all my family, including Mrs DL, seem unable to solve The Mysterious Riddle Of The Dishwasher. No matter how hard they try, none of them can open it and - here's where it gets really unfathomable for them - actually put things in!
Only I have the magic touch.
I have been chosen.
Lucky, lucky me.
And so those pots placed on top of the dishwasher do reach their destination after all.

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Devi
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Re: O/T The Official Squareball Parenting Thread

Postby Devi » Tue Sep 17, 2019 8:24 am

In related news (that we may have had before):

I like it. What is it?

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Ponte
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Re: O/T The Official Squareball Parenting Thread

Postby Ponte » Tue Sep 17, 2019 8:27 am

dirty leeds wrote:Think I may have mentioned this before but... all my family, including Mrs DL, seem unable to solve The Mysterious Riddle Of The Dishwasher. No matter how hard they try, none of them can open it and - here's where it gets really unfathomable for them - actually put things in!
Only I have the magic touch.
I have been chosen.
Lucky, lucky me.
And so those pots placed on top of the dishwasher do reach their destination after all.

Ah, that's a common theme here too. Although the odd time someone has put things in I swear they so do in such an insane manner it is intended to get me to tell them to not bother.

If you ask anyone in our house other than me, ours empties itself anorl.
You agree not to post any abusive, obscene, vulgar, slanderous, hateful, threatening or sexually-orientated material. Doing so may lead to you being immediately and permanently banned.
Hmmm.

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eric olthwaite
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Re: O/T The Official Squareball Parenting Thread

Postby eric olthwaite » Tue Sep 17, 2019 8:30 am

Junior's been a KP in a local pub for a year or so, including washing up duties. What I don't get is that at home if he washes up he always leaves shit dirty / not properly clean.

As far as I'm aware, he's obliged to make a bit of an effort when doing this professionally, but CBA when he's at home.

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dirty leeds
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 12:13 pm
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Re: O/T The Official Squareball Parenting Thread

Postby dirty leeds » Tue Sep 17, 2019 9:04 am

Ponte wrote:
dirty leeds wrote:Think I may have mentioned this before but... all my family, including Mrs DL, seem unable to solve The Mysterious Riddle Of The Dishwasher. No matter how hard they try, none of them can open it and - here's where it gets really unfathomable for them - actually put things in!
Only I have the magic touch.
I have been chosen.
Lucky, lucky me.
And so those pots placed on top of the dishwasher do reach their destination after all.

Ah, that's a common theme here too. Although the odd time someone has put things in I swear they so do in such an insane manner it is intended to get me to tell them to not bother.

If you ask anyone in our house other than me, ours empties itself anorl.


Oh yes.

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Phil LUFC
Joined: Tue Feb 12, 2008 12:26 pm
Location: Scunthorpe

Re: O/T The Official Squareball Parenting Thread

Postby Phil LUFC » Tue Sep 17, 2019 9:37 pm

dirty leeds wrote:
Ponte wrote:
dirty leeds wrote:Think I may have mentioned this before but... all my family, including Mrs DL, seem unable to solve The Mysterious Riddle Of The Dishwasher. No matter how hard they try, none of them can open it and - here's where it gets really unfathomable for them - actually put things in!
Only I have the magic touch.
I have been chosen.
Lucky, lucky me.
And so those pots placed on top of the dishwasher do reach their destination after all.

Ah, that's a common theme here too. Although the odd time someone has put things in I swear they so do in such an insane manner it is intended to get me to tell them to not bother.

If you ask anyone in our house other than me, ours empties itself anorl.


Oh yes.

My 2 are brilliant at putting things in the dishwasher but only in such occasions the contents of said dishwasher and clean and ready for unloading.

Arnieb
Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2016 8:06 am

Re: O/T The Official Squareball Parenting Thread

Postby Arnieb » Wed Sep 18, 2019 6:59 am

dirty leeds wrote:
Ponte wrote:
dirty leeds wrote:Think I may have mentioned this before but... all my family, including Mrs DL, seem unable to solve The Mysterious Riddle Of The Dishwasher. No matter how hard they try, none of them can open it and - here's where it gets really unfathomable for them - actually put things in!
Only I have the magic touch.
I have been chosen.
Lucky, lucky me.
And so those pots placed on top of the dishwasher do reach their destination after all.

Ah, that's a common theme here too. Although the odd time someone has put things in I swear they so do in such an insane manner it is intended to get me to tell them to not bother.

If you ask anyone in our house other than me, ours empties itself anorl.


Oh yes.


Same here - only I unload/load the bloody thing. I can work away for a couple of days and I return to a full sink of stuff.

Mrs Arnie even tries to tell me what I should wash up. She doesn't know where the dishcloth and fairy liquid is either...

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FER
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Re: O/T The Official Squareball Parenting Thread

Postby FER » Wed Sep 18, 2019 11:30 am

My eldest has emptying the dishwasher as one of her chores and she does it quite well; only thing she doesn't put away are the plates.

However, when she (and her siblings) finish a meal, they dump their plates on the counter, cutlery n' all. But, when they finish scranning a yoghurt, they put the spoons in the dishwasher! Dafuq is all that about?
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