Because wives

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LSD&2Es
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:06 am
Location: Surrey

Re: Because wives

Postby LSD&2Es » Sun May 25, 2014 6:06 pm

jackos wrote:
Tycipa wrote:I know a woman who will, in the morning, Dettol spray the kitchen table if the cat has sat on it overnight but will leave vegatables to rot in the fridge!


Domestic cats, what is the point of the disease ridden things unless you live on a farm and have a problem with rats? My missus loves ours, so it'll probably outlive me. Once it shat on our bed, I was really tempted to throw it out the window ... Missus reaction, "It's not her fault, poor thing, I forgot to clean her litter tray" I could see it smirking at me as she spoke...


Cats are fucking cool, one of ours is 17 and going a bit mental. She's funny as fuck.
The Chief: "trust me, you can't have too many years with a club like Leeds."

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Quiffy
Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 6:56 pm

Re: Because wives

Postby Quiffy » Sun May 25, 2014 6:44 pm

LSD&2Es wrote:Cats are fucking cool, one of ours is 17 and going a bit mental. She's funny as fuck.

yeah, i'm with you.

out of the sheer obligation to be polite i was making conversation with a dog owner in a beer garden recently. he seemed a tad on the chavvy side with his tracksuit, but had a french style mini dog that he carried around. it was ok for a pugnacious little dog, but was smaller than a cat.

his argument was that dogs are affectionate and he needed the unconditional love of a dog for when he got home after a tough day at work. in his world cats just don't give that affectionate response. this is complete rubbish and reflects the fact that dog owners are just a bunch of needy fuckers. we've a cat who cleared off for 11 months last year disappearing to the other side of york. he's now back and is as cool as ever - affectionate, softer than a dog, so nicer to stroke, doesn't need walking, doesn't need affection or looking after during the day and independent and clean enough to bury his own poo.

dog owners let their dogs shit in the garden and then let their kids play in the garden. what the fuck? :shake1: :o :puker:
increasing doubt, decreasing hope, even my imaginary friend went and changed his mind.

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Tycipa
Joined: Thu Jul 19, 2012 4:39 pm

Re: Because wives

Postby Tycipa » Sun May 25, 2014 6:49 pm

You fucking cat lovers have been pussy whipped into a subservient mindset - get a grip...and I bet the cats in your life are female...
The fact that we are not taking care of the planet, our children will pay the consequences. With football it will be the same because we're destroying football and in the future we'll see the negative effects. Those who have power are responsible for it.

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MightyWhite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 11:38 am
Location: Notts

Re: Because wives

Postby MightyWhite » Tue May 27, 2014 8:47 am

Quiffy wrote:dog owners let their dogs shit in the garden and then let their kids play in the garden. what the fuck? :shake1: :o :puker:


Do they? Bloody hell, I've been wasting my mornings and evenings walking mine so he could shit :drunk:

Only thing that shits in my garden is, ironically, next doors cat. Rubbish animals.
Keep Fighting

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thechubbyone
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 11:18 am

Re: Because wives

Postby thechubbyone » Tue May 27, 2014 10:08 am

OWETB wrote:Just been speaking to my mate and he told me a tale that has left me scratching my head :scratch:

Last week their electric oven packed up, it was old so instead of getting it repaired they decided to get a new one. They ordered one and it came a few days ago. The plan was that he'll simply take out the old one and slide the new one in to the hole, stick the old one in his motor and drop it off at the tip this weekend.

Seems a logical plan.

Friday night is their 'going out' night, a few beers and summat to eat, like you do. Anyway, he gets home from work on Friday and his misses tells him that they are not going out - obviously he asked why, thinking she might not be feeling well, but no, she is cleaning the oven - the oven that is to be replaced! She spent most of Friday night cleaning the fucking thing only for my mate to take the cunt to the tip yesterday morning.

Work that one out?

My wife is generally pretty chilled out and lets me get on with whatever I want - football, stag dos etc. But when it comes to cleaning she does my head in with the way she does entirely pointless things. Some examples....

-On sunday her parents, sister and nephew are coming over for a meal. It's been pissing it down all day and I've been in and out a few times so there are a few wet (not muddy) footprints on the hall floor directly in front of the door. She insists on steam mopping it even though within an hour people will be walking on the exact same spot and she will be doing it again.

-General failure to use the dishwasher. "It's quicker just to wash it up." It's not.

-Faffing with the airer. In my method I stick wet washing on the airer and leave it to dry. If it takes 24 hours, it takes 24 hours - the only work to be done is putting it on there in the first place. My wife will move stuff around, put a couple of dry items away and generally make a far bigger job of it then it needs to be.

-In a similar vein, if cooking a meal I will wipe the surfaces once at the end of it all (unless there has been raw meat on stuff). She will wipe the same bit of surface 5 times so it looks tidier while she's cooking.

-I'd never heard of them before having a baby, but there are these things called muslin cloths that you basically end up using for general sick catching and milk dribbles. You get through several in a day and they're a purely functional item yet she insists on ironing them. It's like ironing bog roll.

Then she tells me she hasn't got enough time to do things. :shake1:

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MightyWhite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 11:38 am
Location: Notts

Re: Because wives

Postby MightyWhite » Tue May 27, 2014 11:04 am

Point of order, surely washing up is actually quicker than a dishwasher? Unless she's leaving stuff to drain and coming back a couple of hours later?
Keep Fighting

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thechubbyone
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 11:18 am

Re: Because wives

Postby thechubbyone » Tue May 27, 2014 11:12 am

MightyWhite wrote:Point of order, surely washing up is actually quicker than a dishwasher? Unless she's leaving stuff to drain and coming back a couple of hours later?

Well, yeah, but you don't have to stand by the dishwasher while it cleans the plates. If you're going down that route you can argue that a washboard is faster than a washing machine.

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MightyWhite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 11:38 am
Location: Notts

Re: Because wives

Postby MightyWhite » Tue May 27, 2014 11:14 am

Oh, and can we swap wives?? That's the main complaint I have about mine, she seems to be missing that housewife chromosome that I presume the majority of females carries. She can never be arsed to clean, iron, cook, anything. She's pretty good with the little one but she's very insistant on me doing my fair share etc.

I'm a product of a fairly old fashioned mum, in that she did a full upstairs/downstairs clean of the house every week, did all the cooking, and was constantly ironing, washing etc. And she was entirely responsible for my upbringing, what with my dad working away for most of my childhood (and when he was back at weekends he was usually at Leeds on Saturday and down the pub Sunday). As such I often find myself slightly at loggerheads with the wife at how much I have to do round the house and my perceived lack of personal time (I don't get out very often, and when I do it's usually greeted with subtle, yet very clear, guilt trips). I'm aware that this is massively old fashioned/chauvinistic of me but I would love a busy little housewife like my mum (are you listening, Freud?)! :lol:
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SimonB
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 8:54 am
Location: Peterborough
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Re: Because wives

Postby SimonB » Tue May 27, 2014 11:21 am

Blackwhite wrote:
SimonB wrote:
I was turned down for a two year life insurance policy nine years ago :mrgreen:


:shock:
:pale:





Do you think you'll get an obit, Si...?


:mrgreen: not under the new rules, might have got one in the speedway press a couple of years ago
We had a meeting at work today and I was asked what steps I would take in the event of a fire. Apparently "fucking big ones" wasn't the right answer

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thechubbyone
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 11:18 am

Re: Because wives

Postby thechubbyone » Tue May 27, 2014 11:26 am

MightyWhite wrote:Oh, and can we swap wives??

pm sent

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Ponte
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 9:36 am
Location: Between a rock and a hard place.

Re: Because wives

Postby Ponte » Tue May 27, 2014 12:00 pm

thechubbyone wrote:-General failure to use the dishwasher. "It's quicker just to wash it up." It's not.


Dishwasher causes some stress in our house. Mainly for the reason that I appear to be the only one that can open the fucking door on it.

Fuck me, it's not rocket to put dirty pots in the dishwasher, not the sink. It's also not fucking hard to empty the cunt when it's finished.
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BARE-NAKED-LADY
Joined: Fri Feb 15, 2008 6:29 pm
Location: LEEDS

Re: Because wives

Postby BARE-NAKED-LADY » Tue May 27, 2014 12:20 pm

You're all a bunch of moaning gits. Shut the fk up! Bunch of Fish Wives!
B-N-L

BARE-NAKED-LADY
Joined: Fri Feb 15, 2008 6:29 pm
Location: LEEDS

Re: Because wives

Postby BARE-NAKED-LADY » Tue May 27, 2014 12:22 pm

MightyWhite wrote:Oh, and can we swap wives?? That's the main complaint I have about mine, she seems to be missing that housewife chromosome that I presume the majority of females carries. She can never be arsed to clean, iron, cook, anything. She's pretty good with the little one but she's very insistant on me doing my fair share etc.

I'm a product of a fairly old fashioned mum, in that she did a full upstairs/downstairs clean of the house every week, did all the cooking, and was constantly ironing, washing etc. And she was entirely responsible for my upbringing, what with my dad working away for most of my childhood (and when he was back at weekends he was usually at Leeds on Saturday and down the pub Sunday). As such I often find myself slightly at loggerheads with the wife at how much I have to do round the house and my perceived lack of personal time (I don't get out very often, and when I do it's usually greeted with subtle, yet very clear, guilt trips). I'm aware that this is massively old fashioned/chauvinistic of me but I would love a busy little housewife like my mum (are you listening, Freud?)! :lol:


Oh boo hoo. You know what your problem is? You're a Mummy's boy. Old fashioned Mum my arse.
B-N-L

BARE-NAKED-LADY
Joined: Fri Feb 15, 2008 6:29 pm
Location: LEEDS

Re: Because wives

Postby BARE-NAKED-LADY » Tue May 27, 2014 12:26 pm

thechubbyone wrote:My wife is generally pretty chilled out and lets me get on with whatever I want - football, stag dos etc. But when it comes to cleaning she does my head in with the way she does entirely pointless things. Some examples....

-On sunday her parents, sister and nephew are coming over for a meal. It's been pissing it down all day and I've been in and out a few times so there are a few wet (not muddy) footprints on the hall floor directly in front of the door. She insists on steam mopping it even though within an hour people will be walking on the exact same spot and she will be doing it again.

-General failure to use the dishwasher. "It's quicker just to wash it up." It's not.

-Faffing with the airer. In my method I stick wet washing on the airer and leave it to dry. If it takes 24 hours, it takes 24 hours - the only work to be done is putting it on there in the first place. My wife will move stuff around, put a couple of dry items away and generally make a far bigger job of it then it needs to be.

-In a similar vein, if cooking a meal I will wipe the surfaces once at the end of it all (unless there has been raw meat on stuff). She will wipe the same bit of surface 5 times so it looks tidier while she's cooking.

-I'd never heard of them before having a baby, but there are these things called muslin cloths that you basically end up using for general sick catching and milk dribbles. You get through several in a day and they're a purely functional item yet she insists on ironing them. It's like ironing bog roll.

Then she tells me she hasn't got enough time to do things. :shake1:


In a similar vein, if cooking a meal I will wipe the surfaces once at the end of it all (unless there has been raw meat on stuff). She will wipe the same bit of surface 5 times so it looks tidier while she's cooking.


You're obviously not doing it properly.

It's been pissing it down all day and I've been in and out a few times so there are a few wet (not muddy) footprints on the hall floor directly in front of the door. She insists on steam mopping it even though within an hour people will be walking on the exact same spot and she will be doing it again.


She obviously has OCD. I'd just mop it or wipe it up. Can't stand muddy foot prints.

For the record, I don't use my dishwasher either.
B-N-L

BARE-NAKED-LADY
Joined: Fri Feb 15, 2008 6:29 pm
Location: LEEDS

Re: Because wives

Postby BARE-NAKED-LADY » Tue May 27, 2014 12:31 pm

I'm also a cat person. Dogs are thick. Throw them a ball and they will chase it. A cat will just look at you with disdain. Cats are cool. Dogs also smell.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlpQX_jWg4M
B-N-L

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eric olthwaite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:14 pm
Location: Over there, behind that bush

Re: Because wives

Postby eric olthwaite » Tue May 27, 2014 12:33 pm

All people who own cats or dogs are fucking retards.

Deal with it.
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BARE-NAKED-LADY
Joined: Fri Feb 15, 2008 6:29 pm
Location: LEEDS

Re: Because wives

Postby BARE-NAKED-LADY » Tue May 27, 2014 12:34 pm

eric olthwaite wrote:
eric olthwaite wrote:
Man Called Sun wrote:My wife is fucking mega.


Yeah, mine's alright. The more I see of people my age's relationships, the more I realise I just got dead lucky really.


Walked in from work yesterday; she looked me up and down and said, 'Your arse is the best bit, I just don't really like looking at your face'.

I take it all back.


Need to see a picture of your arse so I can concur.
B-N-L

BARE-NAKED-LADY
Joined: Fri Feb 15, 2008 6:29 pm
Location: LEEDS

Re: Because wives

Postby BARE-NAKED-LADY » Tue May 27, 2014 12:39 pm

eric olthwaite wrote:All people who own cats or dogs are fucking retards.

Deal with it.


I own neither. You have to think twice before going on holiday. My sister-in-law has to put her's in the Kennels each time her and my brother go away. Such expense. Just don't get one.
B-N-L

BARE-NAKED-LADY
Joined: Fri Feb 15, 2008 6:29 pm
Location: LEEDS

Re: Because wives

Postby BARE-NAKED-LADY » Tue May 27, 2014 12:42 pm

I've decided to help you all out, next time your wife/girlfriend or boyfriend in WW's case baffles you. I will try my best to explain the woman's point of view, if I can wade through al of the moaning crap that is.

Lots of love BNL
xxx
B-N-L

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SimonB
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 8:54 am
Location: Peterborough
Contact:

Re: Because wives

Postby SimonB » Tue May 27, 2014 12:43 pm

To be fair BNL I think we were happy just moaning among ourselves :mrgreen:
We had a meeting at work today and I was asked what steps I would take in the event of a fire. Apparently "fucking big ones" wasn't the right answer


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