Because wives

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Devi
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2013 6:15 pm
Location: Crystal Palarse

Re: Because wives

Postby Devi » Tue Dec 10, 2019 2:02 pm

It’s you that’s been out till dawn two nights running
It’s you that’s lent your car to someone else
It’s you that used my car this morning
It’s your son who’s throwing a sickie at school and needed collecting
It’s you that put your work keys down when you came in last night
It’s you that still can’t find your keys
It’s you that needs to go to work to post a letter because it’s you that doesn’t trust anyone else to do it for you
It’s you that’s too tired to take your other son to football this evening.
And it’s your ex-husband who can’t be arsed to learn to drive his son to football.

So yes, obviously, it’s my fault you’re pissed off.
I like it. What is it?

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the flying pig
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 8:24 am

Re: Because wives

Postby the flying pig » Tue Dec 10, 2019 2:12 pm

Devi wrote:It’s you that’s been out till dawn two nights running
It’s you that’s lent your car to someone else
It’s you that used my car this morning
It’s your son who’s throwing a sickie at school and needed collecting
It’s you that put your work keys down when you came in last night
It’s you that still can’t find your keys
It’s you that needs to go to work to post a letter because it’s you that doesn’t trust anyone else to do it for you
It’s you that’s too tired to take your other son to football this evening.
And it’s your ex-husband who can’t be arsed to learn to drive his son to football.

So yes, obviously, it’s my fault you’re pissed off.


you heartless fucking bastard.

sending hugs to your poor DW Image.

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eric olthwaite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:14 pm
Location: Over there, behind that bush

Re: Because wives

Postby eric olthwaite » Thu Dec 12, 2019 11:50 am

If some bloke you vaguely know professionally and think is a cunt endorses your wife's services on LinkedIn when he's never met her, that's reason enough to challenge him to a duel to the death, right?
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Andymac-47
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 3:06 pm
Location: Belfast

Re: Because wives

Postby Andymac-47 » Thu Dec 12, 2019 11:56 am

eric olthwaite wrote:If some bloke you vaguely know professionally and think is a cunt endorses your wife's services on LinkedIn when he's never met her, that's reason enough to challenge him to a duel to the death, right?

Yes!
Andymac

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dirty leeds
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 12:13 pm
Location: London

Re: Because wives

Postby dirty leeds » Thu Dec 12, 2019 12:01 pm

eric olthwaite wrote:If some bloke you vaguely know professionally and think is a cunt endorses your wife's services on LinkedIn when he's never met her, that's reason enough to challenge him to a duel to the death, right?


Is it Yeboah?

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eric olthwaite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:14 pm
Location: Over there, behind that bush

Re: Because wives

Postby eric olthwaite » Thu Dec 12, 2019 12:05 pm

dirty leeds wrote:
eric olthwaite wrote:If some bloke you vaguely know professionally and think is a cunt endorses your wife's services on LinkedIn when he's never met her, that's reason enough to challenge him to a duel to the death, right?


Is it Yeboah?


Very much doubt whether the adverb 'professionally' could ever be usefully applied to anything Yeboah says or does.
HM Collector Of Parcels

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Ponte
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 9:36 am
Location: Between a rock and a hard place.

Re: Because wives

Postby Ponte » Thu Dec 12, 2019 3:58 pm

eric olthwaite wrote:If some bloke you vaguely know professionally and think is a cunt endorses your wife's services on LinkedIn when he's never met her, that's reason enough to challenge him to a duel to the death, right?

Sounds like he's trying to fuck her.
Take him down.
You agree not to post any abusive, obscene, vulgar, slanderous, hateful, threatening or sexually-orientated material. Doing so may lead to you being immediately and permanently banned.
Hmmm.

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Blackwhite
Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 1:07 am
Location: Arse end of nowhere
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Re: Because wives

Postby Blackwhite » Thu Dec 12, 2019 6:31 pm

Ponte wrote:
eric olthwaite wrote:If some bloke you vaguely know professionally and think is a cunt endorses your wife's services on LinkedIn when he's never met her, that's reason enough to challenge him to a duel to the death, right?

Sounds like he's trying to fuck her.
Take him down.

You remember who this is he's talking to, right? TFP in all his dealings listed to date seems to have been extremely frequently motivated by his old chap. Bit rich for him to throw stones here, no?

He's after a jump, or at least putting in the groundbreaking.
You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.

Yeboah
Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 11:06 am

Re: Because wives

Postby Yeboah » Thu Dec 12, 2019 7:41 pm

eric olthwaite wrote:
dirty leeds wrote:
eric olthwaite wrote:If some bloke you vaguely know professionally and think is a cunt endorses your wife's services on LinkedIn when he's never met her, that's reason enough to challenge him to a duel to the death, right?


Is it Yeboah?


Very much doubt whether the adverb 'professionally' could ever be usefully applied to anything Yeboah says or does.


And yet funnily enough the word has been used in 4 separate official job titles, where I was rewarded handsomely.

Must be tough to be you.

Wakefield White
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 11:57 pm
Location: t'other side o't hills

Re: Because wives

Postby Wakefield White » Thu Dec 12, 2019 9:14 pm

I have to admit I’m struggling to think of a job title with the word “professionally” in it.
Fuck you Rod Liddle, fuck you in your cunting fuckface you fucking third division cunt!
(courtesy of Ponte)

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Blackwhite
Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 1:07 am
Location: Arse end of nowhere
Contact:

Re: Because wives

Postby Blackwhite » Thu Dec 12, 2019 9:23 pm

Wakefield White wrote:I have to admit I’m struggling to think of a job title with the word “professionally” in it.

"Professionally shit cunt"?

Tories, innit :pig:
You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.

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eric olthwaite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:14 pm
Location: Over there, behind that bush

Re: Because wives

Postby eric olthwaite » Sun Dec 15, 2019 2:33 pm

Mrs O: "I've put all the summer coats in the cupboard and just left the winter coats on the hooks by the door"

Translation: "I've hidden all the coats I don't like you wearing whilst grudgingly acknowledging you might need one warm one when it's minus five and pissing down"
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dirty leeds
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 12:13 pm
Location: London

Re: Because wives

Postby dirty leeds » Sun Dec 15, 2019 3:59 pm

Mrs DL is stricken with the flu and abed, so I'm having to do everything:
-go for a long, sunshiney walk with the dog this morning by myself.
-drink that nice bottle of Costieres de Nime by myself.
-eat that whole pizza by myself.
-watch the new series of Expanse by myself.
-enjoy that Port and stilton by myself.

It's agony.

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Devi
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2013 6:15 pm
Location: Crystal Palarse

Re: Because wives

Postby Devi » Wed Jan 01, 2020 1:49 pm

Mrs Devi certainly enjoyed a few last night. Why else would her phone be in a parked cab, 15 miles away on the other side of London...

:roll:
I like it. What is it?

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MightyWhite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 11:38 am
Location: Notts

Re: Because wives

Postby MightyWhite » Wed Jan 01, 2020 2:20 pm

I did that once. Left my phone in a Nottingham taxi and the fucker charged me £70 to bring it back to me (long story but he wouldn’t let me come and collect it :x )
Keep Fighting
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Yeboah
Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 11:06 am

Re: Because wives

Postby Yeboah » Wed Jan 01, 2020 3:39 pm

Devi wrote:Mrs Devi certainly enjoyed a few last night. Why else would her phone be in a parked cab, 15 miles away on the other side of London...

:roll:


Did her ex take it? :lol: :cheers: :wink:

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eric olthwaite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:14 pm
Location: Over there, behind that bush

Re: Because wives

Postby eric olthwaite » Sun Jan 05, 2020 5:13 pm

One of the kids gave Mrs O a new mug for Xmas. It's not aesthetically displeasing, but it's just too big. Bucket like.

There are days when I make coffee and the coffee's OK, but 'the tide's out' or 'where's the other half?'

Then there are days when the mug is full but 'it's too milky'

There are other days when the mug is full but there’s ‘too much coffee’ or ‘it’s too strong’

There are even days when the coffee’s good and the mug’s full, but it’s not the new mug so that’s bad.

I feel sure that one of you wiser, more experienced gentlemen will be able to help me solve this apparently intractable dilemma.
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dirty leeds
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 12:13 pm
Location: London

Re: Because wives

Postby dirty leeds » Sun Jan 05, 2020 5:26 pm

eric olthwaite wrote:One of the kids gave Mrs O a new mug for Xmas. It's not aesthetically displeasing, but it's just too big. Bucket like.

There are days when I make coffee and the coffee's OK, but 'the tide's out' or 'where's the other half?'

Then there are days when the mug is full but 'it's too milky'

There are other days when the mug is full but there’s ‘too much coffee’ or ‘it’s too strong’

There are even days when the coffee’s good and the mug’s full, but it’s not the new mug so that’s bad.

I feel sure that one of you wiser, more experienced gentlemen will be able to help me solve this apparently intractable dilemma.


Admit you can never get it quite right. Ask her to show you how she does it. Get her to measure stuff so you can repeat exactly what she's doing. [Or measure it yer sen as she goes.] Do it that way every time and you have an answer for anything she complains about thereafter.

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jackos
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 7:49 am
Location: Stockholm

Re: Because wives

Postby jackos » Sun Jan 05, 2020 5:31 pm

eric olthwaite wrote:One of the kids gave Mrs O a new mug for Xmas. It's not aesthetically displeasing, but it's just too big. Bucket like.


Didn’t know mugs could be too big, pisses me off no end that the club shop doesn’t sell pint mugs any more, just ridiculously small coffee “mugs”, no good for tea.

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eric olthwaite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:14 pm
Location: Over there, behind that bush

Re: Because wives

Postby eric olthwaite » Sun Jan 05, 2020 7:11 pm

jackos wrote:Didn’t know mugs could be too big, pisses me off no end that the club shop doesn’t sell pint mugs any more, just ridiculously small coffee “mugs”, no good for tea.


Order some laces from Sports Direct, problem solved :thumbl:
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