Because wives

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London_White
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 3:17 pm
Location: exiled in west sussex

Re: Because wives

Postby London_White » Tue Sep 17, 2019 10:06 am

My Missus had the same problem - for weeks she would ask me to fill her car up - in the end we had to have a training session at home!
She seemed to struggle with the idea of turning the key and also turning the cap after turning the key

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dirty leeds
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 12:13 pm
Location: London

Re: Because wives

Postby dirty leeds » Tue Sep 17, 2019 10:06 am

eric olthwaite wrote:I would bet cash she's now telling her husband that she can't get the petrol cap on because some interfering idiot at the petrol station broke it whilst mansplaining.


That's not how it ends in porn.

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FER
Joined: Sun May 04, 2008 8:44 am
Location: Hanging Out The Back Of Winona Ryder

Re: Because wives

Postby FER » Tue Sep 17, 2019 11:22 am

the flying pig wrote:this morning [say an hour or so ago] i was accosted at my local petrol station by a woman ...


Yesterday, I was getting petrol and a woman, of Caribbean descent, say in her 50's, shouted to me from the pump behind me as I was returning my fuel gun to it's holster. "Excuse me!" she shouts, "How do you work this thing" (dis ting)? I explained to her that you needed to use your card as it was Pay @ Pump. "Card?!?!" she shouts, incredulous, "Dese people are crazy!"

Now I don't know what happened next. Whether she stood there bemused and furious, or whether she got back in her car and pootled off. I'll never know, as I was back in my motor chuckling away to myself, gunning it into traffic and roaring off!
Squareball Prediction League Champion 2004/2005

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OWETB
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 3:05 am
Location: Eating pig with the Prophet Mohammed

Re: Because wives

Postby OWETB » Tue Sep 17, 2019 12:09 pm

Fuel caps can be complicated things. My company car had to go in for some work doing and I was given this big fuck off tank of a Volvo to use. Naturally it got delivered with fuck all juice so the first job was to fill it up.

My car at the times system basically meant that the flap was locked/ unlocked along with the central locking. Not on this cunt, could I fuck even open the flap to take the cap out to put the nozzle in, I was convinced that the cunts had sent me a dud. I fucked about for ages, getting angrier and angrier. Eventually a woman of all fucking things could see my anguish and approached me and informed me that there is a flap release button inside the car.

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eric olthwaite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:14 pm
Location: Over there, behind that bush

Re: Because wives

Postby eric olthwaite » Tue Sep 17, 2019 12:18 pm

OWETB wrote: a woman of all fucking things could see my anguish and approached me and informed me that there is a flap release button


When a woman approaches you to give you guidance on the flap release button, I'd suggest it's pretty clear what she wants from you.
HM Collector Of Parcels

Andymac-47
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 3:06 pm
Location: Belfast

Re: Because wives

Postby Andymac-47 » Tue Sep 17, 2019 12:21 pm

eric olthwaite wrote:
OWETB wrote: a woman of all fucking things could see my anguish and approached me and informed me that there is a flap release button


When a woman approaches you to give you guidance on the flap release button, I'd suggest it's pretty clear what she wants from you.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: five stars Eric, made my day!
Andymac

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OWETB
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 3:05 am
Location: Eating pig with the Prophet Mohammed

Re: Because wives

Postby OWETB » Tue Sep 17, 2019 3:07 pm

Clearly, my finger wasn't on the button.

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AndyPaul
Joined: Tue Feb 12, 2008 9:27 am
Location: Middlesbrough

Re: Because wives

Postby AndyPaul » Tue Sep 17, 2019 7:30 pm

eric olthwaite wrote:
OWETB wrote: a woman of all fucking things could see my anguish and approached me and informed me that there is a flap release button


When a woman approaches you to give you guidance on the flap release button, I'd suggest it's pretty clear what she wants from you.


:lol: :lol: :lol:

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Blackwhite
Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 1:07 am
Location: Arse end of nowhere
Contact:

Re: Because wives

Postby Blackwhite » Mon Sep 23, 2019 5:04 pm

Any tips on how to ask my wife why what she's cooking smells like base amphetamine, without accusing her of being an Angel?
You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.

Andymac-47
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 3:06 pm
Location: Belfast

Re: Because wives

Postby Andymac-47 » Mon Sep 23, 2019 6:02 pm

Blackwhite wrote:Any tips on how to ask my wife why what she's cooking smells like base amphetamine, without accusing her of being an Angel?

Email from far away!
Andymac

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kennyb41
Joined: Wed Mar 01, 2017 7:10 am

Re: Because wives

Postby kennyb41 » Mon Sep 23, 2019 6:23 pm

Blackwhite wrote:Any tips on how to ask my wife why what she's cooking smells like base amphetamine, without accusing her of being an Angel?


STOP LYING! YOU DON'T HAVE ONE FFS ! The whole world and his dog knows it !....AND STOP BEING A FCKING SMARTARSE , NOBODY LIKES ONE...I SHOULD KNOW!
Just coz you're paranoid doesn't mean people aren't after you....Show me a good loser and i'll show you a fcking loser...I owe I owe it's off to work I go.

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dirty leeds
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 12:13 pm
Location: London

Re: Because wives

Postby dirty leeds » Mon Sep 23, 2019 6:31 pm

kennyb41 wrote:
Blackwhite wrote:Any tips on how to ask my wife why what she's cooking smells like base amphetamine, without accusing her of being an Angel?


STOP LYING! YOU DON'T HAVE ONE FFS ! The whole world and his dog knows it !....AND STOP BEING A FCKING SMARTARSE , NOBODY LIKES ONE...I SHOULD KNOW!



Joining us for the Charlton match, Kenny?

London_White
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 3:17 pm
Location: exiled in west sussex

Re: Because wives

Postby London_White » Mon Sep 23, 2019 7:22 pm

Blackwhite wrote:Any tips on how to ask my wife why what she's cooking smells like base amphetamine, without accusing her of being an Angel?

Err first question, how do you know what base amphetamine smells like?

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eric olthwaite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:14 pm
Location: Over there, behind that bush

Re: Because wives

Postby eric olthwaite » Mon Sep 23, 2019 7:27 pm

Love the idea that the ongoing existence of BW’s wife might one day cause Kenneth to explode.

Cause of death: a bloke online’s wife existed.
HM Collector Of Parcels

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Blackwhite
Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 1:07 am
Location: Arse end of nowhere
Contact:

Re: Because wives

Postby Blackwhite » Mon Sep 23, 2019 7:36 pm

London_White wrote:
Blackwhite wrote:Any tips on how to ask my wife why what she's cooking smells like base amphetamine, without accusing her of being an Angel?

Err first question, how do you know what base amphetamine smells like?

Image
You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.

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Devi
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2013 6:15 pm
Location: Crystal Palarse

Re: Because wives

Postby Devi » Tue Oct 01, 2019 6:14 pm

Mrs Devi’s job is over budget
Her client has been screwed over by an estate agent
Her son forgot his raincoat
Her other son forgot to eat school dinner
A tea that takes 15 minutes to prepare isn’t quick enough

All of these are my fault

:roll:
I like it. What is it?

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Blackwhite
Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 1:07 am
Location: Arse end of nowhere
Contact:

Re: Because wives

Postby Blackwhite » Tue Oct 01, 2019 6:15 pm

You fiend.
You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.

Yeboah
Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 11:06 am

Re: Because wives

Postby Yeboah » Tue Oct 01, 2019 6:24 pm

Devi wrote:Mrs Devi’s job is over budget
Her client has been screwed over by an estate agent
Her son forgot his raincoat
Her other son forgot to eat school dinner
A tea that takes 15 minutes to prepare isn’t quick enough

All of these are my fault

:roll:


Shouldn't it be her ex's problem as she spends more time with him anyway?

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AndyPaul
Joined: Tue Feb 12, 2008 9:27 am
Location: Middlesbrough

Re: Because wives

Postby AndyPaul » Wed Oct 02, 2019 12:23 pm

Devi wrote:Mrs Devi’s job is over budget
Her client has been screwed over by an estate agent
Her son forgot his raincoat
Her other son forgot to eat school dinner
A tea that takes 15 minutes to prepare isn’t quick enough

All of these are my fault

:roll:


Are you married to my wife by any chance?

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kennyb41
Joined: Wed Mar 01, 2017 7:10 am

Re: Because wives

Postby kennyb41 » Tue Oct 08, 2019 4:53 pm

I know there isn't one, but if ever there was a Mrs BW...............Ah well, one can but live in hope. Put your hands together please ladies and gents i give you Mrs Angelina Blackwhite.

https://uk.yahoo.com/news/iranian-zombi ... 32580.html

Ta ta fer now.

Must dash.
Just coz you're paranoid doesn't mean people aren't after you....Show me a good loser and i'll show you a fcking loser...I owe I owe it's off to work I go.


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