O/T: Fuck Cancer

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Blackwhite
Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 1:07 am
Location: Arse end of nowhere

Re: O/T: Fuck Cancer

Postby Blackwhite » Mon Sep 12, 2016 9:16 pm

In Norfolk maybe.


He was my partner's brother, so my BiL. This is his wife, or would've been if he'd lived 3 days more.
You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.

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Ponte
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 9:36 am
Location: Between a rock and a hard place.

Re: O/T: Fuck Cancer

Postby Ponte » Tue Sep 13, 2016 7:01 am

Blackwhite wrote:In Norfolk maybe.


He was my partner's brother, so my BiL. This is his wife, or would've been if he'd lived 3 days more.

3 days? Fuck. That's fucking awful.
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Hmmm.

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Blackwhite
Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 1:07 am
Location: Arse end of nowhere

Re: O/T: Fuck Cancer

Postby Blackwhite » Tue Sep 13, 2016 8:11 am

Ponte wrote:3 days? Fuck. That's fucking awful.

Yeah. Would've made things much easier for her, but them's the breaks.




Carpe fucking diem, kids.
You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.

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thechubbyone
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 11:18 am

Re: O/T: Fuck Cancer

Postby thechubbyone » Tue Sep 13, 2016 10:33 am

thechubbyone wrote:Grandma in law has just been diagnosed with cancer of unknown primary origin which as far as I can tell, certainly in her case, means it's pretty much everywhere. I saw her 2/3 weeks ago and she looked a bit under the weather but went to visit her in hospital (she's been in about a week) on Saturday and could easily have walked straight past her, she's changed that much. Looked about 2 stone lighter, really sunken cheeks and just seemed generally pretty frail and confused. Should probably count myself lucky that I've got to my 30s without having to see anyone deteriorate so quickly, but it's sad and terrifying in equal measure.

Those that know - is it usual for the doctors not to put a time frame on these things? They've said they won't be doing any treatment and given her rate of deterioration in the last couple of weeks I can't really see her living beyond a few months, but it's all been left up in the air.

Just realised I never actually checked back into this thread to deliver the inevitable sad news. All in all it played out pretty much as expected - she lasted another 4/5 weeks from my original post and generally speaking the whole thing just became worse and worse with the trips to hospital getting ever more depressing as she declined.

There were a few occasions we went in and she clearly had very little idea what was going on, though seeing her off her tits on drugs was at least better than seeing her in pain. She was telling us that the nurse (aged 30ish) used to live on her street when they were kids and that she knew her sister. There was also a tale about how they'd had to do the dinners early yesterday because there was a big party outside that everyone had to go to. If anything, it made me think I've not tried enough drugs in my life!

The whole thing has made me feel very strongly about euthanasia. The charade of keeping someone comfortable while you basically allow them to die just feels futile and distressing for everyone involved. I can only hope that when my times comes the rules have changed so I can say my goodbyes and pop off on my own terms rather than having my family trailing to the hospital every night to see me becoming ever more disconnected from the person I was.

Anyway, happy fucking Tuesday everyone.

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Phil LUFC
Joined: Tue Feb 12, 2008 12:26 pm
Location: Scunthorpe

Re: O/T: Fuck Cancer

Postby Phil LUFC » Tue Sep 13, 2016 11:52 am

thechubbyone wrote:The whole thing has made me feel very strongly about euthanasia. The charade of keeping someone comfortable while you basically allow them to die just feels futile and distressing for everyone involved.


This, definitely this. The Mrs lost her Nanna around a year ago following a stroke (left her unable to speak or control one side of her body), she hung on for over a week after they stopped feeding her. Anyone's guess how aware she was of the constant bedside vigil or whether there was enough of her left to understand what was being said. Each family member has their own take on that for their own reasons but in general it just seemed all wrong - over 4 days of "could be any moment now".

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SimonB
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Re: O/T: Fuck Cancer

Postby SimonB » Thu Sep 15, 2016 9:01 am

Phil LUFC wrote:
thechubbyone wrote:The whole thing has made me feel very strongly about euthanasia. The charade of keeping someone comfortable while you basically allow them to die just feels futile and distressing for everyone involved.


This, definitely this. The Mrs lost her Nanna around a year ago following a stroke (left her unable to speak or control one side of her body), she hung on for over a week after they stopped feeding her. Anyone's guess how aware she was of the constant bedside vigil or whether there was enough of her left to understand what was being said. Each family member has their own take on that for their own reasons but in general it just seemed all wrong - over 4 days of "could be any moment now".


Totally agree with both of you.
We had a meeting at work today and I was asked what steps I would take in the event of a fire. Apparently "fucking big ones" wasn't the right answer

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eric olthwaite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:14 pm
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Re: O/T: Fuck Cancer

Postby eric olthwaite » Thu Sep 15, 2016 1:52 pm

My dad spent the last nine months or so of his life on a regular ward in hospital. Basically, he fell and broke his hip but by the time it happened he also had dementia and heart and liver issues. The hip recovery was obviously pretty drawn out because of his age, so he was deteriorating whilst bed-bound and all the time on a mixed non-specialist ward with people in their twenties and thirties coming in and out for relatively mundane ops. It was horrible. He wasn't in a condition to be discharged home but the hospital couldn't find space on a geriatric ward, nor could social services find an appropriate specialist care home place.

Towards the end he didn't know who anyone was or who he was, really. He started to refuse food or not eat, then they tried to feed him with a tube but he just kept pulling it out, so they finally agreed to stop attempting to help.

The thought that he didn't know who he was, yet knew enough to actively want to die, chills me to this day when I think about it. Obviously, you can't just say, 'Yeah, you're fucked, time to go', but there has to be something better.

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Blackwhite
Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 1:07 am
Location: Arse end of nowhere

Re: O/T: Fuck Cancer

Postby Blackwhite » Thu Sep 15, 2016 4:20 pm

Trouble is Eric, mental capacity is obviously always going to be a requirement for any approach to this problem, however nuanced (eg the Liverpool Care Pathway).



Your dad was in a terrible bind that it's hard to see a way past (well, there's investment in social and medical care, but I might as well invoke miracle cures while I'm fantasising).
You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.

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Oheddieeddie
Joined: Sat Mar 05, 2011 1:35 pm
Location: Tacky with sweat and poisonous particulates.

Re: O/T: Fuck Cancer

Postby Oheddieeddie » Fri Sep 16, 2016 10:40 pm

My mum died in April. It was unexpected but quick . she will never have to suffer the inevitable degrading slow decline, which was a path she had already started on.

I'm thankful.

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Dale White
Joined: Tue Mar 04, 2008 7:57 pm
Location: Rochdale

Re: O/T: Fuck Cancer

Postby Dale White » Sat Oct 15, 2016 11:19 am

My best mate's wife was told yesterday she has terminal cancer, i'm fucking devastated, especially as I could not get to him because I was on dialysis. I saw him today, he's in bits, just doing my best to support them. TBH i'll be glad to see the back of this bastard of a year.
FUCK OFF BATES !!!

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Blackwhite
Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 1:07 am
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Re: O/T: Fuck Cancer

Postby Blackwhite » Sat Oct 15, 2016 11:54 am

Often harder on the partner, so they say... Best of luck to them both.
You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.

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Dale White
Joined: Tue Mar 04, 2008 7:57 pm
Location: Rochdale

Re: O/T: Fuck Cancer

Postby Dale White » Tue Oct 18, 2016 6:48 am

My best mates wife died last night, less than a week after being diagnosed.
FUCK OFF BATES !!!

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Ponte
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 9:36 am
Location: Between a rock and a hard place.

Re: O/T: Fuck Cancer

Postby Ponte » Tue Oct 18, 2016 7:20 am

Dale White wrote:My best mates wife died last night, less than a week after being diagnosed.

Fuck. Sorry to hear that mate.
I never know if it is better to go quickly or not though. Father in law was given months about 6 weeks ago. He was doing alright (well as much as he could be) to start with but is now on the decline and I fear for a painful drawn out exit for him.
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Hmmm.

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Tycipa
Joined: Thu Jul 19, 2012 4:39 pm

Re: O/T: Fuck Cancer

Postby Tycipa » Tue Oct 18, 2016 7:23 am

Bloody hell Dale that's shocking.
BW - help me out here as I've no experience of such a sudden decline. Would she not have known she was in some serious pain and therefore very sick?
The fact that we are not taking care of the planet, our children will pay the consequences. With football it will be the same because we're destroying football and in the future we'll see the negative effects. Those who have power are responsible for it.

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Blackwhite
Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 1:07 am
Location: Arse end of nowhere

Re: O/T: Fuck Cancer

Postby Blackwhite » Tue Oct 18, 2016 7:43 am

I've known a couple of folks go that quickly with no warning, including a favourite Prof. Very sad and hard on all concerned. Depends on the tumour, the course and grade, and the patient (people sometimes ignore the signs).

Tragic, I'm very sorry for your mate Dale. All strength to him.
And Ponte, hard yards mate. I'm sure she won't be walking them alone. All the best. Fuck cancer.
You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.

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Dale White
Joined: Tue Mar 04, 2008 7:57 pm
Location: Rochdale

Re: O/T: Fuck Cancer

Postby Dale White » Tue Oct 18, 2016 8:57 am

She had pain for around 2 weeks but nothing before that, i'm heart broken really she was a terrific lady and a true friend, she was a rock for me with my recent illness, we all loved her very much.
FUCK OFF BATES !!!

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Devi
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2013 6:15 pm
Location: Crystal Palarse

Re: O/T: Fuck Cancer

Postby Devi » Tue Oct 18, 2016 9:25 am

Fucksticks :(

Sorry to hear that fella
I like it. What is it?

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Blackwhite
Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 1:07 am
Location: Arse end of nowhere

Re: O/T: Fuck Cancer

Postby Blackwhite » Sat Nov 12, 2016 1:51 pm

Good news corner: not posted any figures on immunotherapy lately, so have some... And this is just the beginning, really...

Image

But will there still be an NHS to pay for you to survive?
You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.

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Ponte
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 9:36 am
Location: Between a rock and a hard place.

Re: O/T: Fuck Cancer

Postby Ponte » Sat Nov 19, 2016 3:00 pm

Ponte wrote:Missus' dad has just had some results. Lung cancer that has spread to his liver, bones and elsewhere. Given a few months at best.
Strange atmosphere here, they don't have a close relationship. He was never around for her or her sister much, divorced from her mother.
She just feels strange about it.
Life's odd at times.

Went down hill overnight on Thursday, missus got a call early Friday morning to say he'd had a bad night.
Died this morning, aged 68.
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Hmmm.

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eric olthwaite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:14 pm
Location: Over there, behind that bush

Re: O/T: Fuck Cancer

Postby eric olthwaite » Sat Nov 19, 2016 3:21 pm

Sorry to hear that mate. Yeah, deaths like that when you're not sure how much it affects you are weird.


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