The happy old man thread...

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mi.mic.mick.mick jones
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 2:57 pm
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Re: The happy old man thread...

Postby mi.mic.mick.mick jones » Tue Mar 27, 2012 6:17 am

Porkchopexpress wrote:
OWETB wrote:
Porkchopexpress wrote:I love H+S guys, constant source of amusement.


Well my source of amusement tomorrow is investigating a shattered collar bone with complete dislocation and 5 broken ribs.

I bet the bloke is laughing his cock off.

And then there was the fella that fell 100ft to his death that I investigated, I bet his family are still laughing about that one.

H&S, what a load of bollox.


Ooofff

Shows all this h&s shit is really working. I bet the people involved benefited from risk assessments and all that.
Don't tell him pike

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Man Called Sun
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Re: The happy old man thread...

Postby Man Called Sun » Tue Mar 27, 2012 10:18 am

Porkchopexpress wrote:Keith Lard, like the guy off Phoenix nights.

Here's one for the fact fans: Keith Laird (whom Kay was, erm, allegedly taking the piss out of in that episode) is now fire safety officer at Bolton Wanderers and lives in a plush Lautner-esque pad in the Dales next to Clarke Carlisle.
Float like a butterfly and sting like one.

Johnnywas
Joined: Sat Feb 18, 2012 2:51 pm

Re: The happy old man thread...

Postby Johnnywas » Tue Mar 27, 2012 11:15 am

OWETB wrote:
Porkchopexpress wrote:I love H+S guys, constant source of amusement.


Well my source of amusement tomorrow is investigating a shattered collar bone with complete dislocation and 5 broken ribs.

I bet the bloke is laughing his cock off.

And then there was the fella that fell 100ft to his death that I investigated, I bet his family are still laughing about that one.

H&S, what a load of bollox.


Such an easy target H+S guys aren't they. Normally abuse comes from the morons who want blokes to do a job while cutting corners then shit themselves when something goes wrong and spend weeks trying to claim safety policies were in place and followed.

Cunts. Been on the end of shit like this a couple of times.

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Man Called Sun
Joined: Thu Feb 12, 2009 9:26 am
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Re: The happy old man thread...

Postby Man Called Sun » Tue Mar 27, 2012 11:23 am

Johnnywas wrote:Such an easy target H+S guys aren't they. Normally abuse comes from the morons who want blokes to do a job while cutting corners then shit themselves when something goes wrong and spend weeks trying to claim safety policies were in place and followed.

Cunts. Been on the end of shit like this a couple of times.

Aye, I once witnessed a bloke fall 80ft off Nottingham Castle rock, he was a contractor clearing some of the foliage and he hadn't got his harness on properly. He bust his collarbone, but his colleagues were mighty pissed off with him cos he hadn't followed procedure and as a result they could all have been booted off the job.
Float like a butterfly and sting like one.

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eric olthwaite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:14 pm
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Re: The happy old man thread...

Postby eric olthwaite » Tue Mar 27, 2012 11:26 am

Handy H&S film

Although it's done the rounds a few times.
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the eggman
Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2012 9:15 am
Location: Ingleby Arncliffe, Northallerton

Re: The happy old man thread...

Postby the eggman » Tue Mar 27, 2012 8:37 pm

TBH the H&S consultant guys that we use are brilliant and i can highly recommend them.
At the end of the day we all want to go home from work safe and sound.
Like any profession eg H&S consultants & football club chairman there are good ones and bad ones.
Its the cunts who think they know it all but actually havent a fucking clue that give H&S a bad name. aaarrrrgggghhhhh
bubble wrap and baby oil.

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Blackwhite
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Re: The happy old man thread...

Postby Blackwhite » Tue Mar 27, 2012 9:15 pm

the eggman wrote:TBH the H&S consultant guys that we use are brilliant and i can highly recommend them.
At the end of the day we all want to go home from work safe and sound.
Like any profession eg H&S consultants & football club chairman there are good ones and bad ones.
Its the cunts who think they know it all but actually havent a fucking clue that give H&S a bad name. aaarrrrgggghhhhh


If I read you right, it might be what I've noticed: the cunts are almost always the folks who sit in an office somewhere doing other shite, then have to put a H&S hat on every now and again. The outsiders in our area seem to be solidly realistic and reassuring (apart from Special Branch, they seem to be total fucking idiots).
You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.

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Mustafaster
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:02 am
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Re: The happy old man thread...

Postby Mustafaster » Tue Mar 27, 2012 9:55 pm

No problems with H&S at work or in public spaces where it's genuinely needed, the more the better.
I do have a problem with old gits or acned scrotes who have a uniform or a Hi Viz jacket telling me I can't do perfctly harmless stuff "because of elf an safety innit."
It's become a mantra for every fuckwit in charge of a car park or a pub garden, and there is no comeback or answer, they utter the magic words "elf an safety" and yer fucked.
>How do they get away with it? Last summer some fuckwith scrote told me I couldn't part me pikey mobile motorhome in the shade of some trees in a fuckin huge empty carpark at some Godawful outlet dump just outside York that The Boss insisted on visiting, because .... wait fer it .... "somebody might drive into it". It's totally white, 8 metres long, 3 metres high, but somebody "might not see it in the shadows innit".
He was absolutley adamant, I told him not to be such a berk and he's straight on to his supervisor and threatennig to call Plod.
Call 'em.
Fuckwit geriatric supervisor was exactly the same. "Can't park there, it's dangerous, somebody might drive into it."
The car park is fuckin empty, " Why do you think I chose to park it there when I could have parked it anywhere".
"Don't care, shift it."
At this point the 4 dogs in the 'van start barking...
Mirrors and copulation are abominable, since they both multiply the numbers of men.

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thechubbyone
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 11:18 am

Re: The happy old man thread...

Postby thechubbyone » Wed Apr 11, 2012 1:39 pm

By being a careless prick I managed to not lock my car and have had my wallet, including season ticket, nicked (I didn't have any cash).

I was expecting Leeds to make me pay for a replacement, but the nice woman in the ticket office (Anne) said she would sort it out for me. Good to know that even though the people are the top are complete cunts there are still some decent people around ER.

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And that was really moving
Joined: Fri Nov 11, 2011 9:43 am
Location: Bradford

Re: The happy old man thread...

Postby And that was really moving » Wed Apr 11, 2012 1:54 pm

thechubbyone wrote:By being a careless prick I managed to not lock my car and have had my wallet, including season ticket, nicked (I didn't have any cash).

I was expecting Leeds to make me pay for a replacement, but the nice woman in the ticket office (Anne) said she would sort it out for me. Good to know that even though the people are the top are complete cunts there are still some decent people around ER.



...have you ever been in that situation, when you lost your keys and your mobile phone.....were me keys, were me phone...have you ever been in that situati...


Yep, thats me watching shite TV on a saturday night (bloody babies). Anyone see it? What a fucking crackpot him and Cowell will make a million overnight.

Glad you got your season ticket sorted, you should have left it valid at least you would know were the thief might be this Saturday afternoon, turn up and twat the bugger. 8)

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AndyPaul
Joined: Tue Feb 12, 2008 9:27 am

Re: The happy old man thread...

Postby AndyPaul » Wed Apr 11, 2012 2:07 pm

thechubbyone wrote: including season ticket, nicked

I was expecting Leeds to make me pay for a replacement, but the nice woman in the ticket office (Anne) said she would sort it out for me. .


Some people don't appreciate opportunities that come their way :roll:

You had the opportunity not to go and you asked for a replacement? Silly cunt :mrgreen:

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thechubbyone
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 11:18 am

Re: The happy old man thread...

Postby thechubbyone » Wed Apr 11, 2012 2:27 pm

Mustafaster wrote:No problems with H&S at work or in public spaces where it's genuinely needed, the more the better.
I do have a problem with old gits or acned scrotes who have a uniform or a Hi Viz jacket telling me I can't do perfctly harmless stuff "because of elf an safety innit."
It's become a mantra for every fuckwit in charge of a car park or a pub garden, and there is no comeback or answer, they utter the magic words "elf an safety" and yer fucked.

That has just reminded me of a situation years ago when I was working for my mate at the bookshop he ran. We were moving some books between shops across town and had parked in a loading bay while we got stuff unloaded. A parking attendant comes along and slaps a ticket on. We pointed out that we were indeed loading and unloading stuff, but he said he'd "seen no evidence of loading" (we'd been inside for 2 minutes at the most). We invited him to ask the people on reception (it was a university building) to prove it. He could have done the decent thing and apologise, or he could have essentially told us to fuck off, but what he actually said was that he was "not insured to go in that building". The cunt.

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eric olthwaite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:14 pm
Location: Over there, behind that bush

Re: The happy old man thread...

Postby eric olthwaite » Sun Apr 15, 2012 11:22 pm

Got one of those 99p basil plants you get from Tescos. The fucker must have kept regrowing and regrowing for six months now. Went on holiday for a week and came back to it all shrivelled up, but it's now recovered and is off again. I think it's going to last forever. Magic.
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Blackwhite
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Re: The happy old man thread...

Postby Blackwhite » Wed Jun 20, 2012 5:33 pm

:salute: Large-breasted summer-cycling ladies of the UK's bumpy, potholed roads: I salute you all, even the ugly ones as at least you're trying. :salute:
You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.

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thechubbyone
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 11:18 am

Re: The happy old man thread...

Postby thechubbyone » Wed Jun 20, 2012 5:42 pm

Blackwhite wrote::salute: Large-breasted summer-cycling ladies of the UK's bumpy, potholed roads: I salute you all, even the ugly ones as at least you're trying. :salute:

This has an additional benefit of making this thread easy to find. I can't see "Large-breasted summer-cycling ladies" being too common.

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eric olthwaite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:14 pm
Location: Over there, behind that bush

Re: The happy old man thread...

Postby eric olthwaite » Wed Jun 20, 2012 6:05 pm

On my cycle commute I do find it terribly challenging to overtake girls in lycra shorts in this weather. Far better just to amble on behind.
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AndyPaul
Joined: Tue Feb 12, 2008 9:27 am

Re: The happy old man thread...

Postby AndyPaul » Wed Jun 20, 2012 6:07 pm

eric olthwaite wrote:On my cycle commute I do find it terribly challenging to overtake girls in lycra shorts in this weather. Far better just to amble on behind.


That's just being polite. I am sure women would like more gentleman like you in the world today :wink:

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Quiffy
Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 6:56 pm

Re: The happy old man thread...

Postby Quiffy » Wed Jun 20, 2012 7:23 pm

Blackwhite wrote::salute: Large-breasted summer-cycling ladies of the UK's bumpy, potholed roads: I salute you all, even the ugly ones as at least you're trying. :salute:

for a moment i thought wou were taking about this annual jamboree, which i keep missing the opportunity to support in the flesh.
Image
increasing doubt, decreasing hope, even my imaginary friend went and changed his mind.

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MightyWhite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 11:38 am
Location: Notts

Re: The happy old man thread...

Postby MightyWhite » Wed Jun 20, 2012 7:25 pm

Blackwhite wrote::salute: Large-breasted summer-cycling ladies of the UK's bumpy, potholed roads: I salute you all, even the ugly ones as at least you're trying. :salute:


Pissing it down again from tomorrow :thumbl:

:(
Keep Fighting

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MightyWhite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 11:38 am
Location: Notts

Re: The happy old man thread...

Postby MightyWhite » Wed Jun 20, 2012 7:28 pm

eric olthwaite wrote:On my cycle commute I do find it terribly challenging to overtake girls in lycra shorts in this weather. Far better just to amble on behind.


The pedestrian equivolant is the white linen trousers and black thong look. I'm sure these girls must know the craic (arf), but then that's half the attraction :drunk:
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