The happy old man thread...

[mi.mic.mick.mick jones]

I love H+S guys, constant source of amusement.

Well my source of amusement tomorrow is investigating a shattered collar bone with complete dislocation and 5 broken ribs.

I bet the bloke is laughing his cock off.

And then there was the fella that fell 100ft to his death that I investigated, I bet his family are still laughing about that one.

H&S, what a load of bollox.

Ooofff

Shows all this h&s shit is really working. I bet the people involved benefited from risk assessments and all that.

[Man Called Sun]

Keith Lard, like the guy off Phoenix nights.

Here's one for the fact fans: Keith Laird (whom Kay was, erm, allegedly taking the piss out of in that episode) is now fire safety officer at Bolton Wanderers and lives in a plush Lautner-esque pad in the Dales next to Clarke Carlisle.

[Johnnywas]

I love H+S guys, constant source of amusement.

Well my source of amusement tomorrow is investigating a shattered collar bone with complete dislocation and 5 broken ribs.

I bet the bloke is laughing his cock off.

And then there was the fella that fell 100ft to his death that I investigated, I bet his family are still laughing about that one.

H&S, what a load of bollox.

Such an easy target H+S guys aren't they. Normally abuse comes from the morons who want blokes to do a job while cutting corners then shit themselves when something goes wrong and spend weeks trying to claim safety policies were in place and followed.

Cunts. Been on the end of shit like this a couple of times.

[Man Called Sun]

Such an easy target H+S guys aren't they. Normally abuse comes from the morons who want blokes to do a job while cutting corners then shit themselves when something goes wrong and spend weeks trying to claim safety policies were in place and followed.

Cunts. Been on the end of shit like this a couple of times.

Aye, I once witnessed a bloke fall 80ft off Nottingham Castle rock, he was a contractor clearing some of the foliage and he hadn't got his harness on properly. He bust his collarbone, but his colleagues were mighty pissed off with him cos he hadn't followed procedure and as a result they could all have been booted off the job.

[eric olthwaite]

Handy H&S film

Although it's done the rounds a few times.

[the eggman]

TBH the H&S consultant guys that we use are brilliant and i can highly recommend them.
At the end of the day we all want to go home from work safe and sound.
Like any profession eg H&S consultants & football club chairman there are good ones and bad ones.
Its the cunts who think they know it all but actually havent a fucking clue that give H&S a bad name. aaarrrrgggghhhhh

[Blackwhite]

TBH the H&S consultant guys that we use are brilliant and i can highly recommend them.
At the end of the day we all want to go home from work safe and sound.
Like any profession eg H&S consultants & football club chairman there are good ones and bad ones.
Its the cunts who think they know it all but actually havent a fucking clue that give H&S a bad name. aaarrrrgggghhhhh

If I read you right, it might be what I've noticed: the cunts are almost always the folks who sit in an office somewhere doing other shite, then have to put a H&S hat on every now and again. The outsiders in our area seem to be solidly realistic and reassuring (apart from Special Branch, they seem to be total fucking idiots).

[Mustafaster]

No problems with H&S at work or in public spaces where it's genuinely needed, the more the better.
I do have a problem with old gits or acned scrotes who have a uniform or a Hi Viz jacket telling me I can't do perfctly harmless stuff "because of elf an safety innit."
It's become a mantra for every fuckwit in charge of a car park or a pub garden, and there is no comeback or answer, they utter the magic words "elf an safety" and yer fucked.
>How do they get away with it? Last summer some fuckwith scrote told me I couldn't part me pikey mobile motorhome in the shade of some trees in a fuckin huge empty carpark at some Godawful outlet dump just outside York that The Boss insisted on visiting, because .... wait fer it .... "somebody might drive into it". It's totally white, 8 metres long, 3 metres high, but somebody "might not see it in the shadows innit".
He was absolutley adamant, I told him not to be such a berk and he's straight on to his supervisor and threatennig to call Plod.
Call 'em.
Fuckwit geriatric supervisor was exactly the same. "Can't park there, it's dangerous, somebody might drive into it."
The car park is fuckin empty, " Why do you think I chose to park it there when I could have parked it anywhere".
"Don't care, shift it."
At this point the 4 dogs in the 'van start barking...

[thechubbyone]

By being a careless prick I managed to not lock my car and have had my wallet, including season ticket, nicked (I didn't have any cash).

I was expecting Leeds to make me pay for a replacement, but the nice woman in the ticket office (Anne) said she would sort it out for me. Good to know that even though the people are the top are complete cunts there are still some decent people around ER.

[And that was really moving]

By being a careless prick I managed to not lock my car and have had my wallet, including season ticket, nicked (I didn't have any cash).

I was expecting Leeds to make me pay for a replacement, but the nice woman in the ticket office (Anne) said she would sort it out for me. Good to know that even though the people are the top are complete cunts there are still some decent people around ER.

...have you ever been in that situation, when you lost your keys and your mobile phone.....were me keys, were me phone...have you ever been in that situati...


Yep, thats me watching shite TV on a saturday night (bloody babies). Anyone see it? What a fucking crackpot him and Cowell will make a million overnight.

Glad you got your season ticket sorted, you should have left it valid at least you would know were the thief might be this Saturday afternoon, turn up and twat the bugger.

[AndyPaul]

including season ticket, nicked

I was expecting Leeds to make me pay for a replacement, but the nice woman in the ticket office (Anne) said she would sort it out for me. .

Some people don't appreciate opportunities that come their way

You had the opportunity not to go and you asked for a replacement? Silly cunt

[thechubbyone]

No problems with H&S at work or in public spaces where it's genuinely needed, the more the better.
I do have a problem with old gits or acned scrotes who have a uniform or a Hi Viz jacket telling me I can't do perfctly harmless stuff "because of elf an safety innit."
It's become a mantra for every fuckwit in charge of a car park or a pub garden, and there is no comeback or answer, they utter the magic words "elf an safety" and yer fucked.

That has just reminded me of a situation years ago when I was working for my mate at the bookshop he ran. We were moving some books between shops across town and had parked in a loading bay while we got stuff unloaded. A parking attendant comes along and slaps a ticket on. We pointed out that we were indeed loading and unloading stuff, but he said he'd "seen no evidence of loading" (we'd been inside for 2 minutes at the most). We invited him to ask the people on reception (it was a university building) to prove it. He could have done the decent thing and apologise, or he could have essentially told us to fuck off, but what he actually said was that he was "not insured to go in that building". The cunt.

[eric olthwaite]

Got one of those 99p basil plants you get from Tescos. The fucker must have kept regrowing and regrowing for six months now. Went on holiday for a week and came back to it all shrivelled up, but it's now recovered and is off again. I think it's going to last forever. Magic.

[Blackwhite]

Large-breasted summer-cycling ladies of the UK's bumpy, potholed roads: I salute you all, even the ugly ones as at least you're trying.

[thechubbyone]

:salute: Large-breasted summer-cycling ladies of the UK's bumpy, potholed roads: I salute you all, even the ugly ones as at least you're trying.

This has an additional benefit of making this thread easy to find. I can't see "Large-breasted summer-cycling ladies" being too common.

[eric olthwaite]

On my cycle commute I do find it terribly challenging to overtake girls in lycra shorts in this weather. Far better just to amble on behind.

[AndyPaul]

On my cycle commute I do find it terribly challenging to overtake girls in lycra shorts in this weather. Far better just to amble on behind.

That's just being polite. I am sure women would like more gentleman like you in the world today

[Quiffy]

:salute: Large-breasted summer-cycling ladies of the UK's bumpy, potholed roads: I salute you all, even the ugly ones as at least you're trying.

for a moment i thought wou were taking about this annual jamboree, which i keep missing the opportunity to support in the flesh.

[MightyWhite]

:salute: Large-breasted summer-cycling ladies of the UK's bumpy, potholed roads: I salute you all, even the ugly ones as at least you're trying.

Pissing it down again from tomorrow

[MightyWhite]

On my cycle commute I do find it terribly challenging to overtake girls in lycra shorts in this weather. Far better just to amble on behind.

The pedestrian equivolant is the white linen trousers and black thong look. I'm sure these girls must know the craic (arf), but then that's half the attraction