O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Discussion on LUFC and absolutely anything... welcome to the Dark Side
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Ponte
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 9:36 am
Location: Between a rock and a hard place.

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Ponte » Sun Oct 06, 2019 9:10 am

The Tin Man wrote:I admitted to my wife that I've always had a thing for Beyonce.
"What ever floats your boat," she said.
"No," I said, "you're thinking of buoyancy."

:lol:
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Hmmm.

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welshwhite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 9:15 pm

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby welshwhite » Tue Oct 08, 2019 7:23 am

Teacher : What’s your favourite letter?

Student: The letter G.

Teacher : Why is that Angus?

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kennyb41
Joined: Wed Mar 01, 2017 7:10 am

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby kennyb41 » Tue Oct 08, 2019 8:54 am

Angus my arse.
Just coz you're paranoid doesn't mean people aren't after you....Show me a good loser and i'll show you a fcking loser...I owe I owe it's off to work I go.

Clacton white
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 8:19 am

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Clacton white » Tue Oct 08, 2019 2:10 pm


Not a joke as such , but bloody funny IMO - loads of different channel's on these ...Jack Vale , Sons of Arkham , Humorbagel ,Gilstrap , Yanagi .

My grandad was from Leeds
Joined: Sun Dec 21, 2014 8:58 pm

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby My grandad was from Leeds » Wed Oct 09, 2019 6:54 pm

Having a pint on the way home from work and the landlord tells me that he's had that Spanish actor in kicking off causing all sorts of trouble.

Javier Barbem ,.... I asked.

No, but he's on his final warning,..... he replied.

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The Tin Man
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 2:25 pm

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby The Tin Man » Wed Oct 09, 2019 8:06 pm

It's Javier BARDEM , otherwise the joke doesn't work . But it's quality ! :bomb: :lol:
For every step,the footprint was already there.

My grandad was from Leeds
Joined: Sun Dec 21, 2014 8:58 pm

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby My grandad was from Leeds » Thu Oct 10, 2019 1:31 pm

The Tin Man wrote:It's Javier BARDEM , otherwise the joke doesn't work . But it's quality ! :bomb: :lol:


Aw Bugger mixing up me b's and d's like a four year old.

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Devi
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2013 6:15 pm
Location: Crystal Palarse

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Devi » Fri Oct 11, 2019 5:53 pm

I've got a PhD in palindromes.

Just call me Dr Awkward.
I like it. What is it?

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Blackwhite
Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 1:07 am
Location: Arse end of nowhere
Contact:

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Blackwhite » Fri Oct 11, 2019 7:05 pm

Devi wrote:I've got a PhD in palindromes.

Just call me Dr Awkward.

:salute:
You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.

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eric olthwaite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:14 pm
Location: Over there, behind that bush

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby eric olthwaite » Sat Oct 12, 2019 11:32 am

HM Collector Of Parcels

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Devi
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2013 6:15 pm
Location: Crystal Palarse

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Devi » Fri Nov 08, 2019 9:20 am

How do you comfort a grammar pedant?

They’re there their
I like it. What is it?

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Matt White
Joined: Fri Mar 01, 2019 10:34 pm
Location: God's own Essex

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Matt White » Thu Nov 14, 2019 10:49 am

Just passed my genetic engineering exam with Flying Koalas!
.
.
.
Failed my peripheral vision exam though. Didn't see that coming.

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eric olthwaite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:14 pm
Location: Over there, behind that bush

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby eric olthwaite » Wed Nov 20, 2019 8:44 pm

Bought some trainers off my dealer. Dunno what he laced them with but I’ve been tripping all day.
HM Collector Of Parcels

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OWETB
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 3:05 am
Location: Eating pig with the Prophet Mohammed

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby OWETB » Sat Dec 07, 2019 6:43 pm

If anybody knows of any lonely old people who will be eating Christmas dinner alone because they have no family or close friends, can they let me know? I need to borrow some chairs.

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OWETB
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 3:05 am
Location: Eating pig with the Prophet Mohammed

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby OWETB » Sat Dec 28, 2019 11:42 am

It was 12 years ago today that my mate James came running out of the room shouting “ it’s a boy, it’s a boy “ with tears streaming down his face. We never went back to Thailand after that.

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OWETB
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 3:05 am
Location: Eating pig with the Prophet Mohammed

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby OWETB » Fri Jan 03, 2020 7:52 pm

Is this fucker sick enough for you Burnley lad? :burnley:

Image

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eric olthwaite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:14 pm
Location: Over there, behind that bush

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby eric olthwaite » Wed Feb 19, 2020 8:40 pm

Doctor: Sir, your wife is comatose, asleep, and unconscious.

Man: You mean...

Doctor: Yes, I'm sad to say she's in an Oxford Coma.
HM Collector Of Parcels

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Devi
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2013 6:15 pm
Location: Crystal Palarse

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Devi » Fri Feb 21, 2020 12:45 am

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day.
“In English,” he said, “a double negative becomes a positive. However in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn’t a single language, not one, in which a double positive becomes a negative.”
A voice at the back of the room piped up.
“Yeah. Right.”
I like it. What is it?

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Devi
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2013 6:15 pm
Location: Crystal Palarse

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Devi » Sat Mar 07, 2020 11:30 am

John Lennon airport's just been quarantined!

Imagine all the people.
I like it. What is it?

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Tycipa
Joined: Thu Jul 19, 2012 4:39 pm

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Tycipa » Sat Mar 14, 2020 5:20 pm

I had a very chilled English teacher at school.
She asked me if I could spell Armageddon and I told her I didn’t think I could.
She said
‘No bother, it’s not the end of the world’
The fact that we are not taking care of the planet, our children will pay the consequences. With football it will be the same because we're destroying football and in the future we'll see the negative effects. Those who have power are responsible for it.


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