O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Discussion on LUFC and absolutely anything... welcome to the Dark Side
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eric olthwaite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:14 pm
Location: Over there, behind that bush

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby eric olthwaite » Thu Jul 11, 2019 9:31 pm

stripper: i'm here for the exotic dancer position

interviewer: great, can you striptease?

sripper: absoluely

inerviewer: holy shi
HM Collector Of Parcels

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dirty leeds
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 12:13 pm
Location: London

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby dirty leeds » Fri Jul 12, 2019 5:51 am

eric olthwaite wrote:stripper: i'm here for the exotic dancer position

interviewer: great, can you striptease?

sripper: absoluely

inerviewer: holy shi


Ousanding.

London_White
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 3:17 pm
Location: exiled in west sussex

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby London_White » Fri Jul 12, 2019 6:44 am

Don' ge i

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dirty leeds
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 12:13 pm
Location: London

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby dirty leeds » Fri Jul 12, 2019 6:47 am

Daf Gi

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Ponte
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 9:36 am
Location: Between a rock and a hard place.

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Ponte » Fri Jul 12, 2019 7:34 am

eric olthwaite wrote:stripper: i'm here for the exotic dancer position

interviewer: great, can you striptease?

sripper: absoluely

inerviewer: holy shi


I enjoyed that far more than I should have done.
You agree not to post any abusive, obscene, vulgar, slanderous, hateful, threatening or sexually-orientated material. Doing so may lead to you being immediately and permanently banned.
Hmmm.

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Phil LUFC
Joined: Tue Feb 12, 2008 12:26 pm
Location: Scunthorpe

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Phil LUFC » Fri Jul 12, 2019 7:59 am

66703128_2348084275237133_7319436974685683712_o.jpg

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Blackwhite
Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 1:07 am
Location: Arse end of nowhere
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Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Blackwhite » Tue Jul 23, 2019 2:44 pm

You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.

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Devi
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2013 6:15 pm
Location: Crystal Palarse

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Devi » Fri Jul 26, 2019 12:16 pm

Here’s as good a place as any, if you’re interested in comedy, like...

Holy Schnitzels... here's the Altitude Festival 2020 news you've all been waiting for.....

We are THRILLED to announce we are heading back to the glorious mountains of Mayrhofen on the 30th MARCH to 3rd APRIL 2020!

A limited number of SUPER early bird tickets are on sale NOW!

Grab yours before they sell out here:

http://www.altitudefestival.com/booking
I like it. What is it?

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Ontolly
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 9:36 pm
Location: Shrewsbury

O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Ontolly » Thu Aug 01, 2019 7:34 pm

At the Met Office, all the chairs have four casters on them.

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AndyPaul
Joined: Tue Feb 12, 2008 9:27 am
Location: Middlesbrough

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby AndyPaul » Sat Aug 03, 2019 6:18 pm

Just burnt my Hawaiian pizza.


Should have put it on aloha temperature

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eric olthwaite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:14 pm
Location: Over there, behind that bush

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby eric olthwaite » Fri Aug 16, 2019 2:24 pm

Two atoms talking:

'I think I've lost an electron'

'Are you sure?'

'Yes, I'm positive'
HM Collector Of Parcels

London_White
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 3:17 pm
Location: exiled in west sussex

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby London_White » Thu Aug 22, 2019 11:34 am

The wife is part of an experiment towards public attitudes and reactions.
To see how visual images affect emotions she's wearing a Scum shirt for the week.
So far she has been verbally abused, kicked, punched spat on and had a milkshake thrown over her.
It'll probably get worse when she leaves the house

Arnieb
Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2016 8:06 am

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Arnieb » Wed Aug 28, 2019 5:12 am

Q: why didn't the chicken cross the road?

A: he saw what happened to the zebra.

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eric olthwaite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:14 pm
Location: Over there, behind that bush

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby eric olthwaite » Wed Aug 28, 2019 6:44 am

My grandad taught me, ‘When one door closes, another one opens.’

He was a great man, but a shit cabinet maker.
HM Collector Of Parcels

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Blackwhite
Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 1:07 am
Location: Arse end of nowhere
Contact:

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Blackwhite » Wed Sep 25, 2019 5:08 pm

Right thread I reckon.


You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.

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Devi
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2013 6:15 pm
Location: Crystal Palarse

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Devi » Thu Oct 03, 2019 6:35 am

A storm blew away 25% off my roof last night.

Oof.
I like it. What is it?

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Matt White
Joined: Fri Mar 01, 2019 10:34 pm
Location: God's own Essex

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Matt White » Thu Oct 03, 2019 10:01 am

Devi wrote:A storm blew away 25% off my roof last night.

Oof.


Sorry, but that's a bit.. hit :P

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dirty leeds
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 12:13 pm
Location: London

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby dirty leeds » Thu Oct 03, 2019 11:08 am

Matt White wrote:
Devi wrote:A storm blew away 25% off my roof last night.

Oof.


Sorry, but that's a bit.. hit :P



I think that's bnag out of order, meself.

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kennyb41
Joined: Wed Mar 01, 2017 7:10 am

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby kennyb41 » Thu Oct 03, 2019 5:12 pm

Devi wrote:A storm blew away 25% off my roof last night.

Oof.


Fck me that's terrible and you should not be allowed to get away with shyte like that at all, fcking ruined my weekend that as.

Disgusting.
Just coz you're paranoid doesn't mean people aren't after you....Show me a good loser and i'll show you a fcking loser...I owe I owe it's off to work I go.

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The Tin Man
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 2:25 pm

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby The Tin Man » Sun Oct 06, 2019 8:34 am

I admitted to my wife that I've always had a thing for Beyonce.
"What ever floats your boat," she said.
"No," I said, "you're thinking of buoyancy."
For every step,the footprint was already there.


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