O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Discussion on LUFC and absolutely anything... welcome to the Dark Side
Andymac-47
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 3:06 pm
Location: Belfast

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Andymac-47 » Sat Nov 17, 2018 8:25 pm

AndyPaul wrote:Dubai doesn’t believe in the existence of the Flintstones.

But Abu Dhabi do......


That's bad AP.
Andymac

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Phil LUFC
Joined: Tue Feb 12, 2008 12:26 pm
Location: Scunthorpe

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Phil LUFC » Sat Nov 17, 2018 9:54 pm

How many brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb? One to promise a bright future and many more to screw it up.

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Vampire
Joined: Sat Aug 23, 2008 4:19 am

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Vampire » Sun Nov 18, 2018 10:57 am

When Rhys says “let me tell you about my fantasy” - don’t get excited - he’s probably just talking about his fizzy drink.
There will be no end to the problems afflicting mankind until economists become rulers, or, by some miracle, rulers become economists.

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welshwhite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 9:15 pm

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby welshwhite » Sun Nov 18, 2018 11:11 am

Vampire wrote:When Rhys says “let me tell you about my fantasy” - don’t get excited - he’s probably just talking about his fizzy drink.


:mrgreen: Tidy innit.

I haven't laughed so much since my little nation did this last weekend....enjoy, B.


JohnGiles
Joined: Sun Dec 31, 2017 6:51 pm

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby JohnGiles » Sun Nov 18, 2018 11:38 am

welshwhite wrote:
Vampire wrote:When Rhys says “let me tell you about my fantasy” - don’t get excited - he’s probably just talking about his fizzy drink.


:mrgreen: Tidy innit.

I haven't laughed so much since my little nation did this last weekend....enjoy, B.



Schooling

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Vampire
Joined: Sat Aug 23, 2008 4:19 am

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Vampire » Sun Nov 18, 2018 9:21 pm

JohnGiles wrote:
welshwhite wrote:
Vampire wrote:When Rhys says “let me tell you about my fantasy” - don’t get excited - he’s probably just talking about his fizzy drink.


:mrgreen: Tidy innit.

I haven't laughed so much since my little nation did this last weekend....enjoy, B.



Schooling


Touchy
There will be no end to the problems afflicting mankind until economists become rulers, or, by some miracle, rulers become economists.

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Vampire
Joined: Sat Aug 23, 2008 4:19 am

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Vampire » Sun Nov 18, 2018 9:37 pm

OK, just for Rhys, here’s a joke that doesn’t take the piss out of the Welsh:

There’s two fish in a tank. One says to the other: “Have you got any idea how we drive this thing?”
There will be no end to the problems afflicting mankind until economists become rulers, or, by some miracle, rulers become economists.

London_White
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 3:17 pm
Location: exiled in west sussex

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby London_White » Thu Jan 03, 2019 9:40 am

Friend of mine got a DeLorean for Xmas
He doesn't plan to use it that much he's just going to drive it from time to time

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eric olthwaite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:14 pm
Location: Over there, behind that bush

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby eric olthwaite » Fri Jan 18, 2019 12:18 pm

SON: I was awarded the Leslie Nielsen badge at school

ME: What's that?

SON: A big building with lots of kids

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Devi
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2013 6:15 pm
Location: Crystal Palarse

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Devi » Sat Jan 26, 2019 6:38 pm

What do you do for a living?
I’m a spy
So why are you dressed as a shepherd?
Because I’m a shepherd spy
I like it. What is it?

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Devi
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2013 6:15 pm
Location: Crystal Palarse

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Devi » Sat Feb 09, 2019 10:26 am

A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

A question mark walks into a bar?

A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out — we don’t serve your type.”

A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

A synonym strolls into a tavern.

At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar — fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.


Sometimes facecrack delivers
I like it. What is it?

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Mustafaster
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:02 am
Location: PC Brigade House.

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Mustafaster » Wed Feb 20, 2019 8:59 am

We had a gig last night. Usually there's only one sound guy, but we had a Russian, and a Czech one too.
A Czech one too.
Mirrors and copulation are abominable, since they both multiply the numbers of men.

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Phil LUFC
Joined: Tue Feb 12, 2008 12:26 pm
Location: Scunthorpe

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Phil LUFC » Sun Mar 31, 2019 10:38 am


Andymac-47
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 3:06 pm
Location: Belfast

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby Andymac-47 » Sun Mar 31, 2019 12:24 pm

Phil LUFC wrote:https://twitter.com/RobinFlavell/status/1112080683961327618?s=19


That's bad.
Andymac

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kennyb41
Joined: Wed Mar 01, 2017 7:10 am

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby kennyb41 » Sun Mar 31, 2019 3:33 pm

Phil LUFC wrote:https://twitter.com/RobinFlavell/status/1112080683961327618?s=19


?

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kennyb41
Joined: Wed Mar 01, 2017 7:10 am

Re: O/T Jokes-sick or not, not fussed.

Postby kennyb41 » Sun Mar 31, 2019 3:35 pm

I'm sure there's an exclamation mark somewhere in all of that?


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