OT general news on sexual perversions

Discussion on LUFC and absolutely anything... welcome to the Dark Side
User avatar
SimonB
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 8:54 am
Location: Peterborough
Contact:

OT general news on sexual perversions

Postby SimonB » Mon Mar 03, 2008 9:41 am

A HOSPITAL builder has been sacked after being caught having sex with a Henry the hoover.

The Polish contractor – who was supposed to be locking up the site – was found naked and on his knees with the smiling cleaner in the staff canteen.

Shocked ... after the session
A horrified security guard at Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital told him to “clean himself and the hoover” before kicking him out.

The shameless builder later told bosses he was vacuuming his underwear – “a common practice in Poland”.

His firm were refurbishing admin offices 100 yards from the hospital in central London.

An insider said: “The guard who found him said he was groaning louder than the hoover.”

HG Construction, based in Hitchin, Herts, said: “That behaviour is not acceptable, though it gave a few people a laugh.”

Comic Russell Brand, 32, has also admitted to a session with a vacuum when he was 14.

He said: “I saw Henry sat there, he was looking at me. Now whenever I hear that name, I have a guilty little smile.”

Last year Chris Donald admitted bonking CARS in the West Country, and Karl Watkins used to romp with PAVEMENTS in Redditch, Worcs.

Well I suppose this is all more normal than having sex with a goat :D
We had a meeting at work today and I was asked what steps I would take in the event of a fire. Apparently "fucking big ones" wasn't the right answer

User avatar
Mustafaster
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:02 am
Location: PC Brigade House.

Postby Mustafaster » Mon Mar 03, 2008 10:30 am

Amateur!
I have a neighbour who has been a dairy farmer all his life, as were his parents and grandparents etc etc ......
He is adamant that the best blowjob you will ever get in your life is from a new-born calf.
I wouldn't know of course.
Mirrors and copulation are abominable, since they both multiply the numbers of men.

User avatar
Patrick-Hong Kong
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 3:31 pm
Location: Hong Kong

Postby Patrick-Hong Kong » Mon Mar 03, 2008 11:25 am

My wife can be a right cow sometimes, does that count?





Snaaaaarf.

Dale White

Postby Dale White » Mon Mar 03, 2008 11:32 am

\"Vacuuming my underwear\" :lol:

User avatar
the flying pig
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 8:24 am

Postby the flying pig » Mon Mar 03, 2008 11:49 am

all sounds very silly indeed... vacuum cleaners, calves, your cock is too precious and delicate to risk around machinery and the teeth of farmyard animals.

seems to me that there's a gap in the market for some kind of course teaching men how to use their right hand really effectively.

maybe a business opportunity for danny?

User avatar
BIGLEE 2
Joined: Tue Feb 12, 2008 9:20 pm
Contact:

Re: OT man in sex with hoover shame

Postby BIGLEE 2 » Mon Mar 03, 2008 12:19 pm

SimonB wrote:A HOSPITAL builder has been sacked after being caught having sex with a Henry the hoover.

The Polish contractor – who was supposed to be locking up the site – was found naked and on his knees with the smiling cleaner in the staff canteen.

Shocked ... after the session
A horrified security guard at Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital told him to “clean himself and the hoover” before kicking him out.

The shameless builder later told bosses he was vacuuming his underwear – “a common practice in Poland”.

His firm were refurbishing admin offices 100 yards from the hospital in central London.

An insider said: “The guard who found him said he was groaning louder than the hoover.”

HG Construction, based in Hitchin, Herts, said: “That behaviour is not acceptable, though it gave a few people a laugh.”

Comic Russell Brand, 32, has also admitted to a session with a vacuum when he was 14.

He said: “I saw Henry sat there, he was looking at me. Now whenever I hear that name, I have a guilty little smile.”

Last year Chris Donald admitted bonking CARS in the West Country, and Karl Watkins used to romp with PAVEMENTS in Redditch, Worcs.

Well I suppose this is all more normal than having sex with a goat :D

Simon you really must stop telling us your memoirs :wink: :D

User avatar
welshwhite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 9:15 pm

Postby welshwhite » Mon Mar 03, 2008 12:46 pm

there is a kinky woman who lives in my street who had got one of those hoover attachment thingys stuck up her arse,.....i rang the hospital to ask how she was,the doctor told me she was picking up nicely, arf.

i know,its old as fuck.

User avatar
Patrick-Hong Kong
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 3:31 pm
Location: Hong Kong

Postby Patrick-Hong Kong » Mon Mar 03, 2008 1:36 pm

During 1978-80 I was working in the operating theatres in Jimmy's as an ODO and I did see a couple of vegetable incidents but never a vaccum appliance.
Actually, since working there I've always had a fear of getting bowel problems and having to have a sigmoidoscope slipped in the back door...makes me fucking cringe just thinking about it.

User avatar
SimonB
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 8:54 am
Location: Peterborough
Contact:

Postby SimonB » Mon Mar 03, 2008 3:46 pm

Patrick-Hong Kong wrote:During 1978-80 I was working in the operating theatres in Jimmy's as an ODO and I did see a couple of vegetable incidents but never a vaccum appliance.
Actually, since working there I've always had a fear of getting bowel problems and having to have a sigmoidoscope slipped in the back door...makes me fucking cringe just thinking about it.
plenty of vaseline, or so I am told......
We had a meeting at work today and I was asked what steps I would take in the event of a fire. Apparently "fucking big ones" wasn't the right answer

User avatar
burnleyinexile
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 7:27 pm
Location: Take a wild guess

Postby burnleyinexile » Mon Mar 03, 2008 5:25 pm

My mate was an A & E nurse for a while and he says people come in with some really unusual things inserted in varios orifices. Tut tut, I don't know what the worlds coming to.

User avatar
Ponte
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 9:36 am
Location: Between a rock and a hard place.

Postby Ponte » Mon Mar 03, 2008 5:50 pm

Why when I saw the title did I think of Burnley and his 'accidental' pressing of buttons?
You agree not to post any abusive, obscene, vulgar, slanderous, hateful, threatening or sexually-orientated material. Doing so may lead to you being immediately and permanently banned.
Hmmm.

User avatar
Guy Gadbois
Joined: Mon Mar 03, 2008 9:22 pm
Location: Paris

Re:

Postby Guy Gadbois » Tue Mar 04, 2008 9:49 am

burnleyinexile wrote:My mate was an A & E nurse for a while and he says people come in with some really unusual things inserted in varios orifices. Tut tut, I don't know what the worlds coming to.


My Sister's a nurse and she told me toward the back end (no pun intended) of last year a well dressed man arrived at A&E at Jimmy's with a similar complaint. Turns out he had a big fat church candle jammed up his jacksie and he couldn't get it out.

He claimed he'd fallen over getting out of the bath and sat on it. Heh heh, course you did, sir...

She said it took ages to get out, as bits kept breaking off it. Eventually they used the old corkscrew technique and pulled it out.

Usually I'd have suspected a bit of an 'urban myth' going on, but a few of her colleagues at work confirmed it.
Yes, I know that.

User avatar
thechubbyone
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 11:18 am

Re: OT man in sex with hoover shame

Postby thechubbyone » Tue Mar 04, 2008 10:57 am

I hope he bagged up. Arf Arf.

User avatar
eric olthwaite
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:14 pm
Location: Over there, behind that bush

Re:

Postby eric olthwaite » Wed Mar 05, 2008 1:47 pm

-

User avatar
SimonB
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 8:54 am
Location: Peterborough
Contact:

Re: OT man in sex with hoover shame

Postby SimonB » Thu Mar 06, 2008 10:50 am

POLES disgusted at a countryman who had sex with a Henry the hoover have told emigrants to Britain they are a disgrace and not welcome back home.

The nation lashed out after The Sun earlier this week told how the builder was found naked with the cleaner at a UK kids’ hospital.

Catholic Poles claim he shows how their people reject family values when they come here — and often return with sexually transmitted diseases.

Polish newspaper Dziennik called the builder “scandalous” and news website dziennik.pl said: “Let them stay and carry on hoovering.”

The builder, sacked after being caught at London’s Great Ormond Street Hospital, claimed he was vacuuming his underpants, “a common practice in Poland”.

Polish undies guru Jerzy Marciniak said: “We have not heard of this.”

The flood of Poles into the UK has also been blamed for a rocketing divorce rate.

Experts estimate 200,000 of the 500,000 couples here will split within two years.

Seems the guy is not welcome in his own country anymore
We had a meeting at work today and I was asked what steps I would take in the event of a fire. Apparently "fucking big ones" wasn't the right answer

User avatar
Rider
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 8:59 pm
Location: Bradford

Re: OT man in sex with hoover shame

Postby Rider » Thu Mar 06, 2008 7:56 pm

In the press they are saying that it's Henry Hoovers fault, allegedly he was a bit of a cock tease, and unfortunately loads of men were sucked in. :roll:

User avatar
See you next Tuesday
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 7:02 pm
Location: Leeds

Re: OT man in sex with hoover shame

Postby See you next Tuesday » Thu Mar 06, 2008 8:44 pm

Usually I'd have suspected a bit of an 'urban myth' going on, but a few of her colleagues at work confirmed it.


Isn't that how urban myths start?

Polish undies guru Jerzy Marciniak said: “We have not heard of this.”


"Fucking poles, come over here and take our jobs" Dale Winton, UK undies guru.
"If some cunt can fuck something up, that cunt will pick the worst possible time to fucking fuck it up because that cunt's a cunt"

User avatar
the flying pig
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 8:24 am

Re: OT man in sex with hoover shame

Postby the flying pig » Thu Mar 06, 2008 8:48 pm

slightly amusing video re: Polish tradesmen.

http://www.totallycrap.com/magazine/nev ... our_house/

User avatar
Ponte
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 9:36 am
Location: Between a rock and a hard place.

Re: OT man in sex with hoover shame

Postby Ponte » Fri Mar 07, 2008 8:59 am

SimonB wrote:Polish undies guru Jerzy Marciniak


Thats a good one to have on the CV :mrgreen:
You agree not to post any abusive, obscene, vulgar, slanderous, hateful, threatening or sexually-orientated material. Doing so may lead to you being immediately and permanently banned.
Hmmm.

User avatar
SimonB
Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2008 8:54 am
Location: Peterborough
Contact:

Re: OT man in sex with hoover shame

Postby SimonB » Mon Mar 10, 2008 9:14 am

I wonder how much you could earn being an undies guru ? Fucking careers officer never mentioned that as an option for my future employment
We had a meeting at work today and I was asked what steps I would take in the event of a fire. Apparently "fucking big ones" wasn't the right answer


Return to “The Square Ball”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests

cron